Small Talk

...
br: so? Please find someone then do it! Quickly, so I can have mine too...
me: What the heck?! Don't wait for me then... Just do it if you wanna do it...
br: No way! I won't do it before you do!
me: cheh! so wait then... why? You already got someone in mind?
br: well... no, but....
me: Don't said anything then! Crap! I thought you're already have one...
br: Hehehe... Even I don't have one I can get one easily. Well at least easier than you... wakakaka....
me: Yeah... you and your muscle pose.... hahaha.... Just make sure you choose a good one then...
br: Absolutely... you too bro...
me: yeah... whatever...
br: No... I'm serious... It's hard to find a good one these day...
me: What are you now? becoming an expert all of sudden?
br: No... Just someone who knows more than you do.... hahahaha....
me: Bah... I dare you betting two months salary to prove that...
br: Hell No... I make money more than you bro... It's not fair...
me: Since when I played fair with you? ...hahaha....
br: Anyway, why are you so choosy about this thing? looking someone look like actrees? No way you could get one like those... Know your league man.
me: Damn sure, Well I'm not become choosy or what ... Only two things I looked for in someone...
br: Two? Damn,... you're choosy...hahaha...
me: Crap! I'm dead serious!
br: Okay... okay... I'm listening to you bro... Please continue...
me: Okay, having same level of understanding. She have to understand we're adult and should do things differently, I mean, we can going around like some highschoolers rite? We should have our prioritize in life, and we should respect each others prioritization for that matters....
br: Whoa... long words for me but, okay...okay... I get your point though... so second?
me: Second? Well, we have to be able to get along each other... Should be close enough to terms of friends, good one of course.
br: But, you cannot make friends with your lover bro... trust me...
me: Well, got to try to find one... I mean, can you imagine being with someone who're not be able to loosen up your mind from things going around in this world? Hell..., work stress is enough to drive someone crazy adding to that when you go home you'd meet some one who put more stress to your mind?
br: I see your point bro... but cannot be done like that...
me: What? how so?
br: well... you cannot be friends with girl or woman. If man and woman with no blood relation talk to each other, that should be something between them... and more over... I don't see "love" word in your equation...
me: Damn right you won't.... too much complication for me and too many living proof said, that word is not one of the variable in a good relationships. Respect, responsibilty, trust, openness and communication are the key.
br: Hell no....., that only the spices not the main dishes. Listen bro, you wanna be with someone? you gotta like her in a way...
me: No worry,... I can manage that part...
br: well, on second thought, It's your life so... it's your choice...
me: Damn right it's my choice...
...

Just Break it

Once, I offered everything in my life,
but she didn't want anything I offered...
After a while I give all I had to another
somehow it worked out, for a while
In the end she left me nothingness...
After that, I don't believe any at all,
yet it makes someone close to me really hurt...
but still it doesn't change a thing...
My heart still cold as stone...
so now I'm still waiting,
waiting for one accident...
for it to break become pieces..

Bayangan

Matahari sudah bersinar terang, saat kupacu motorku ditengah kemacetan. Sekali lagi kulihat jam ditangan, dan aku tahu aku sudah terlambat. Sial! Memang salahku yang bangun terlambat, bahkan saat shubuh pun bukan shubuh lagi. Didepan jalan lampu merah berkedip dan motor kulambatkan sambil mencari jalan diantara mobil yang merapat . Berhenti didepan gerombolan anak sekolah yang menyebrangi jalan, lalau menunggu dan melamun tanpa sadar tentang hidup yang kujalani. Tak terasa 3 menit berlalu dan lampu hijau menyala. Semua orang memacu kendaraan masing-masing, meraung tanpa henti. Seperti orang kesetanan, aku pun melakukan hal yang sama. Saat pikiran tertuju pada jalan didepan, sudut mataku melihat sosok yang kukira kukenal dan kurindukan, dan pikiranku melayang jauh. Cukup 1 detik saja hingga mobil didepan seperti tiba-tiba berhenti mendadak. ku banting ke arah kiri, oleng kesana kemari mencoba mengambil kendali dan akhirnya berhenti. Untungnya sisi yang kupilih itu masih kosong. Menenangkan diriku ditepi jalan sambil beristighfar, kuyakinkan pada diriku sendiri kalau semuanya masih pada tempatnya. Check.... Kuyakinkan diriku sekali lagi kalau semua memang benar masih pada tempatnya. Check... Sambil termanggu lalu kuyakinkan pada diriku kalau aku melihat bayangan dan itu hanya pikiran ku semata. Sambil terus meyakinkan diriku tentang hal itu, kulanjutkan lagi perjalanan yang terlambat ini.

Loneliness Prayer

I've known, most of time I won't get what I want,
no matter how hard I tried,
crushing every bones, squeezing tears dry,
should I stopped having wishes? and dreams?
but giving up those dreams will leave my soul empty,
and I couldn't walk my journey without purpose,
people always said, it's the process not the outcome,
but really, I'm on te edge of my reasoning,
but please, ...oh God,
please make this one wish come true,
let me be the one whom You promised for me
for rest of my life...

Mist of Doubts

I've waited a while, I didn't know if it was worthed,
so I waited again...
I've waited too long, and I'm still don't know what am I waiting for,
but still,... I waited again
And now I've waited long enough,
and it made me wondering if this was really meant to be,
or perhaps I just scared of this uncertainty,
Being a coward and tried to circle the problems,
and perhaps that's why I never reached the end of the line...
to understand the answer of all questions I had.
Or perhaps, it was something I had to do,
so I can break out this cycle,
Or perhaps it was something I should not do...
I had my questions asked to myself,
If the one I know is the one?
or it'll be someone I'll meet in the future?
Or someone I've meet in the past?
Will it be a stranger? whom I've just met in my journey to my work?
or will it be someone who passed me each day
the one who'll always say good morning, good day, good evening?
So we were talked to each other with no knowledge at all,
And we'd talk for hours only to know nothing at all,
That we meant for each other....
Somehow I found this really hillarious...
I started to think that human relationship is one of God's big joke of life,
It should be, considering how boring and lonely it will become,
If you're a God...
So here I am, on the edge of chasm, balancing my feet,
Still looking for answer and something unclear,
or waiting a sign
...in the mist of doubts..