Twist of life

I'm through expecting in this life. It seems that "destiny" always had another plan for me. No matter how hard I try, it seems all my planing for my mundane life almost never succeded. And if I looked back again to those failures, there're always questions erupted in my mind, "have I really tried hard enough?", "Should I did this instead of that?", or "Should I've done nothing at all when I did that?".
I know, I know .... I've shouldn't do that. Anything that passed away is past and we cannot change a thing of those events. All I can do is learn from those so I'll never make the same mistake again. But which one is a mistake and which one is not? A choice in this life is never really a mistake as long as you have a solid reason(s) for that! You know what? It's really a miserable feelings, where you're literally hopeless and do not have any power to change things happening when everything are crumble infront of your eyes.
I've always believe, that with God permit, one's life is depend on one's effort for that. And I still believe in those words. But it seems that God's plan is always different with mine. So lately I started to think that I haven't pray enough. My own believe to my own pray is not as strong as I thought. Does my faith to Him weakening each day pass by without my awareness?
I really cannot think of any other excuse for these failures. I just truly really hope (not to expect! and dream things which haven't hapenned yet, and making foolish plans based on hollow asumptions!) that God do really love me and give me another chance and somehow His working plans is really the best for me.
Well, It's sound that I'm really selfish, but Hell yeah! I have every right to be selfish! I'm just only a human after all... For being at the lowest point in my life I do have the right to be selfish!