Walking down the road

My sweetest Mistake

2008-01-24T18:29:00.000+07:00

the moon was rising when you started to walk,
wearing anything which make any man starred,
you completely ignored all the laugh and bark,
your ignorance was an adorable bait for me,
It was a mistake to touch your skin,
held your body tight and kissed your lips,
love? affection? lust? They were nothing but a taste,
taste of my mind which was really sweet,
so part of my soul was taken by you,
my heart was always tried to fill the hole inside,
my senses was crumbling looking for the same feeling again,
before I know it, I was addicted to you,
you, my sweetest mistake...

You are Perfect

2008-01-22T19:39:00.000+07:00

Once, someone who dear to me said to me (more of hoping-complaining actually) after she heard a song sang by "Andra and the Backbone" titled "Sempurna" (meaning: perfect) that she wished her boyfriend (or someone, I don't know whether she had one or not) said the words that she is perfect, in anyway he looked at her. I remember I was smiling when I heard she said those words.
Well, didn't all men who are falling in love to their woman will said those words? Some probably said them so their woman will know, some probably write those words in a letter and send it to her so she can read his words. Some Probably express the words "you are perfect" doing some action so she can see it.
So many ways for men express those words so their woman can feel it, and you, woman of all people cannot understand them all? It just because women ego which refuse to see and feel what the men trying to "say". One women said, I'll understand and felt what men do if you send me flower. Another will understand if he said it bluntly. Another want it with a kindness. While some other will feel the words if he give her a diamond. Ooohh... The hell with your ego!
That was the reason why I was smiled when I her her said those words. The other reason was that, even after some time I haven't met her, and after all the commotion I did in between. Every time I came in contact with her in any means, she is perfect in anyway I see her. So I was smiled again but this time a bitter one.

Surga fana di dunia

2008-01-11T02:16:00.000+07:00

Wanita memang racun!
Racun yang paling manis untuk ditenggak,
mungkin sekarang aku sedang menunggu,
dan mati perlahan akibatnya...

Batas yang aku gariskan sendiri ku lewati juga,
Yang selama ini aku jaga,
kukira aku berbeda dengan yang lain,
ternyata aku salah sekali...

Aku munafik,
ternyata apa yang kurasakan palsu belaka
setelah terlewati akan tetap terlewati,
dan ini karena wanita... dan ketololanku sendiri.

Berada didekatnya aku merasa senang,
Dengan buai cumbu rayu dibuatnya aku melayang,
Sampai setelah dia hilang
dan aku sadar dompet ku menghilang.

Wanita memang suatu kesalahan, kesalahan yang menyejukkan,
kesalahan yang paling indah, yagn terus kulakukan,
satu-satunya pembenaran yang dapat kuingat hanyalah...
Pria pertama yang tercipta, mengalami hal yang sama..

Ensiklopedi

2008-01-05T01:50:00.000+07:00

Seumpamanya.... hidup adalah jutaan buku ensiklopedi yang terus ditulis, maka pada kumpulan ensiklopedi yang aku miliki, akan ditemukan padanya satu kata, yaitu kata "Cinta" pada beberapa buku yang berawal huruf "C". Didalam puluhan buku mengenai "Cinta" tersebut, terdapat satu buku mengenai cerita cinta kepada seseorang. Cerita yang tidak dapat ditulis lagi tetapi enggan ku akhiri. Yahh... mungkin aku memang masih berharap untuk dapat meneruskan cerita tersebut, tetapi ilham itu masih belum datang saja. Tapi kupikir lagi, dari pada menunggu ide yang tak kunjung datang lebih baik menulis cerita pada bagian yang lain. Hidup ini bukan hanya satu cerita saja, masih ada jutaan kata yang diawali oleh 25 huruf lainnya pada ensiklopediku yang harus diberi makna. Jadi sementara ini buku tentang cerita tersebut aku biarkan begitu saja, menunggu ilham dari yang diatas bagaimana kelanjutannya.

Men and Women

2007-11-19T19:43:00.000+07:00

I understand that world is built by men and women,
in the name of love they say they are meant for each other,
from all those women smile to you in this world, why you choose her?
don't you see others also smile to you? or you just refuse to see them?
from all those men comfort you in this world why did you choose him?
don't you felt protected from others too? or you just ignored them completly?
you always said we are destined to be together, are you?
but I believe that you just feel too comfortable to each other...
and you are afraid you won't find another cozy place to go to...
you always said our imperfectness made us a perfect one, are you?
but who are you to say something perfect? it's just you who believe so..
later on, when you found another one, won't you say they're also perfect for you?
From all those women living in this world, why do men choose 'that' one?
Don't they know they hurt others by doing so?
And selfishly said this is my life and I deserved to have my own happiness
And they were forgetting others who love them too
probably they are right but probably they are wrong also
All I can say this is every story of Men and Women living in this world,
they love each other, they hate each other, they hurt each other because they're own choice,
I just hope if I choose, my choice won't hurt anyone beside myself,
but the again we cannot have everyone around us happy, don't we?

Faraway Dream

2007-10-18T21:36:00.000+07:00

I was living in remote area where sun, dust and sand dunes covered most of the sight, building my business empire. Marched palm trees become marking along the road. Not many buildings I saw when I decided to take a hike in the middle of the hottest day ever and going to a nearest store to restock my weekly ratio. After almost one hourspent, buying things I walk out, crossing the parking lot when accidentaly my eyes looked to the nearest bus stop ahead. There I saw a women I was fallin love before with some one I remembered as her boyfriend, standing there, talk to each other and smile. They were looked very happy.
I was thinking, What there doing here?! in a split of second I was thinking that I shouldn't disturb them in any way. Iwas about to go quietly when she looked me and called me by name, cheerfully. I got no excuse, I went to them while thinking out loud, The Hell?!! What the heck are they doing here anyway? I thought this is the edge of the world, this was not a place they supposed to be. They should be some place nice and warm, like a beach lying on the sand while drinking coconut juices, enjoying all the love they had together. Yet here they are, meeting me in this place where sun burning everything I see.
So I talked to her, say hi and everything I supposed to say. Her boy friend seemed to ignoring me, and I did the same. Hell... why should I asked him anything? After a while she told me that they married without her nor his parents know about and they run away to this place.
I remembered I was feeling sorry for her, because I understand how much her family means to her. Dang! that man shouldn't be treating her like this, force her to make a choice between him and her family. Did she know that thousands men will be willingly to give her all that she need and want without making her to make the choice (including me, of course..). A rage come to my mind and I was about to rushed and smashed that ignorant guy, when she told me that she happy livin like this with him.
I cooled myself down, and I looked her again making sure she was really happy by asking the dummiest question ever, "Are you sure?" she nod quietly, and that guy was saved from my wrath. Lucky Bastard! If I remebered how I tumbled my ... everything! when I tried to get her attention and then her love, and in the end I got rejected harshly. But here she was, choosed to stay at his side, even without blessing from her parent. Arrgh..!! I'd kill him twice for those matters....
Later on, after couples minutes of chit-chat, she was asked me if I could send her regards to her parents and ask for forgiveness of what she did if I got back to our country sometime. I don't know what I was thinking, I was agreed to her wished without second thought. After said that, a bus came and take her wit her husband (I supposed I should address him like this... Crap!) going some place I don't even know.
After couples of weeks I was back to my country, traveling by car on the road, went to her house, while saying to myself Why the hell I ended up here anyway?......
Then the alarm on my mobile ringing very loud, and I wake up on my bed. It was a dream. I was stunned and re-thinking back of that dream I had. Why I had such odd dream and why her after all this time? And why am I still thinking of her?

Chance

2007-10-09T00:09:00.000+07:00

First, I think all I need is one chance
Second, I re-think about it, and I'm aware of something that,
Third, you already give me all the chances I need.
It's just me who don't aware when they sat on my lap,
It's just me who don't know the sign you gave me,
It's just me who blow them all up perfectly,
My pride was ashamed to asked again,
so my lips will shut and won't asked again,
cause my heart already say that those chances have passed, again...

Memories of you

2007-09-14T20:30:00.000+07:00

It was like yesterday,
the first time when you smiled to me,
and those are a dusty memory to me,
which I kept in a box under my bed.

and today you came to see me,
and I wanted to ask why,
but you're just an old picture for me,
a sweet bitter dusty old memories.

I had forget all sweet tears,
and I already forget you,
only this box remind me of you,
where I put all of you

Independence Holiday

2007-08-18T23:28:00.000+07:00

Too many work to do and I'm too tired to take tour to a far away place. If you asked what a holiday is all about, it is simply having a moment of peace of mind, seating at the porch, watching all the fishes swimming around in the pool with one cup of plain coffee and thinking nothing at all. Thinking no work, no life, especially love life, simply thinking nothing at all. So... independence holiday meaning something like that, plus red and white flag while wearing batik or dressed in the same colour in doing a kind of ceremony and suposedly doing "independence have fun" activity afterwards. But for me any will do as long as I got my coffee beside me. Really, I could do that and somehow that activity become a luxurius things for me to do now.
Why you asked me... well... If you asked me, It is beacuse of my idealitistic choice of job (I always know it is true and virtue but with a lot of crappy side effects) I took these day. Suprisingly I took three jobs as the time being.
The first work I took is for my self-actualisation, my idealistic dream. Yes..., I did the work probably without getting paid, literally. What I'm trying to do in this job is to try to reshape and directing funds of this beloved country to the right place, needy people of this country. Well... in my calculation, I couldn't stopping all the leaking happened, but I'm glad taht in less than a year I worked there I manage to reduce a little bit of that. I'm just hoping my head will be pure all the way while I'm doing all of this. Damn of all the politics involved here. I really do hate doing that... Luckily my superior trust me enough so I can manage finggering my way in.
So... because of I'm not getting paid for this work and I'm not hoping to get one, I took another job, doing consultancy work thingy in my friend firm. Great job, well paid but crappy workload. I remember I used to hate doing writing anything, Hell...! I did my theses in 4 years. But now here I am, writing tens of theses alike every month. Aaarrrgghh.... God is always have a good sarkasm on me. He must be loved me very much. Anyway, I took this job because of its work time which I can manage freely.
And... have I mention back there the job is well paid? well yes it does but the paycheck won't covering all my expense in the future, especially when I have family... Yes! I'll be getting married someday... So... what was my solution did I get? Yes...! you! you answer correctly... I took the third job. A job which the pay comes years later something like pasif income, a paycheck enough for my future and savings for my family and my old time. For this job, it is I who runs everything from the top to bottom. So I thought it'll be taking a bit of my time and so on.
Wakakakaka.... and God came back with His jokes on me again. The best part of His jokes is that all the work "suddenly" come to me now. Ugh... I should calculate my plan better, I miss to know that all government project based work realisation always happened in the middle of the year.... The job which I thought only spent an hour or two of my daily life backfired at me. It takes my playing hours - Damn..., I had this dream that I'll beat my 11 year old nephew in PS2 winning eleven. Gosh, if I had time to practice - and off course my resting hours, not mention the time I should have to manage my realtionship. Gahhh... this is really full of crap.
So now here I am with my independence "holiday" doing and writing something while neighbours and others wearing red and white colour, racing in bakiak shoes, buying odd things at independence bazaar, compete in hanging prawn chips eating and climbing on oilly pinang tree.
Happy Independence Day Indonesia... Merdeka!

Weird...

2007-08-08T18:31:00.000+07:00

I don't know what happened to me these days. My work keep have put me under a constant stress. Doing three work at the same time is really not a good idea. Well, I thought I could handle them, but eventually they not as easy as I thought. But hey... ! what the heck... this my choice anyway... Holly Crap! I have to blame her for everything I've choose these days. Breaking my heart, messed up my life... what else? Hmm, ... or probably I should I thank her? Anyway, some weird things happened to my head last night. Exhausted because of daily stuff, I went to bed early and there I was, sleeping like a dead log. Then at two in the morning I woke up, just like that. The most weird thing was that I felt fresh and my mind was never as clear as that time. Seems like I got enlightenment or something... I remember, at that time because I had nothing to do I tried to think every steps I took in my life. Finding whether it was right or wrong. If it was wrong, I planned every step to make it right. And somehow I got all answer for all my problems... Great huh? So I went to a night shalah, waiting for shubuh to come, have my shubuh shalah then got back to sleep again as usual. And the crappiest thing happened, I forgot every answer I had when I woke up! God is really had His jokes on me... wakakaka.... Really...

Small Talk

2007-07-30T02:26:00.000+07:00

...
br: so? Please find someone then do it! Quickly, so I can have mine too...
me: What the heck?! Don't wait for me then... Just do it if you wanna do it...
br: No way! I won't do it before you do!
me: cheh! so wait then... why? You already got someone in mind?
br: well... no, but....
me: Don't said anything then! Crap! I thought you're already have one...
br: Hehehe... Even I don't have one I can get one easily. Well at least easier than you... wakakaka....
me: Yeah... you and your muscle pose.... hahaha.... Just make sure you choose a good one then...
br: Absolutely... you too bro...
me: yeah... whatever...
br: No... I'm serious... It's hard to find a good one these day...
me: What are you now? becoming an expert all of sudden?
br: No... Just someone who knows more than you do.... hahahaha....
me: Bah... I dare you betting two months salary to prove that...
br: Hell No... I make money more than you bro... It's not fair...
me: Since when I played fair with you? ...hahaha....
br: Anyway, why are you so choosy about this thing? looking someone look like actrees? No way you could get one like those... Know your league man.
me: Damn sure, Well I'm not become choosy or what ... Only two things I looked for in someone...
br: Two? Damn,... you're choosy...hahaha...
me: Crap! I'm dead serious!
br: Okay... okay... I'm listening to you bro... Please continue...
me: Okay, having same level of understanding. She have to understand we're adult and should do things differently, I mean, we can going around like some highschoolers rite? We should have our prioritize in life, and we should respect each others prioritization for that matters....
br: Whoa... long words for me but, okay...okay... I get your point though... so second?
me: Second? Well, we have to be able to get along each other... Should be close enough to terms of friends, good one of course.
br: But, you cannot make friends with your lover bro... trust me...
me: Well, got to try to find one... I mean, can you imagine being with someone who're not be able to loosen up your mind from things going around in this world? Hell..., work stress is enough to drive someone crazy adding to that when you go home you'd meet some one who put more stress to your mind?
br: I see your point bro... but cannot be done like that...
me: What? how so?
br: well... you cannot be friends with girl or woman. If man and woman with no blood relation talk to each other, that should be something between them... and more over... I don't see "love" word in your equation...
me: Damn right you won't.... too much complication for me and too many living proof said, that word is not one of the variable in a good relationships. Respect, responsibilty, trust, openness and communication are the key.
br: Hell no....., that only the spices not the main dishes. Listen bro, you wanna be with someone? you gotta like her in a way...
me: No worry,... I can manage that part...
br: well, on second thought, It's your life so... it's your choice...
me: Damn right it's my choice...
...

Just Break it

2007-07-28T20:54:00.000+07:00

Once, I offered everything in my life,
but she didn't want anything I offered...
After a while I give all I had to another
somehow it worked out, for a while
In the end she left me nothingness...
After that, I don't believe any at all,
yet it makes someone close to me really hurt...
but still it doesn't change a thing...
My heart still cold as stone...
so now I'm still waiting,
waiting for one accident...
for it to break become pieces..

Bayangan

2007-07-25T22:48:00.000+07:00

Matahari sudah bersinar terang, saat kupacu motorku ditengah kemacetan. Sekali lagi kulihat jam ditangan, dan aku tahu aku sudah terlambat. Sial! Memang salahku yang bangun terlambat, bahkan saat shubuh pun bukan shubuh lagi. Didepan jalan lampu merah berkedip dan motor kulambatkan sambil mencari jalan diantara mobil yang merapat . Berhenti didepan gerombolan anak sekolah yang menyebrangi jalan, lalau menunggu dan melamun tanpa sadar tentang hidup yang kujalani. Tak terasa 3 menit berlalu dan lampu hijau menyala. Semua orang memacu kendaraan masing-masing, meraung tanpa henti. Seperti orang kesetanan, aku pun melakukan hal yang sama. Saat pikiran tertuju pada jalan didepan, sudut mataku melihat sosok yang kukira kukenal dan kurindukan, dan pikiranku melayang jauh. Cukup 1 detik saja hingga mobil didepan seperti tiba-tiba berhenti mendadak. ku banting ke arah kiri, oleng kesana kemari mencoba mengambil kendali dan akhirnya berhenti. Untungnya sisi yang kupilih itu masih kosong. Menenangkan diriku ditepi jalan sambil beristighfar, kuyakinkan pada diriku sendiri kalau semuanya masih pada tempatnya. Check.... Kuyakinkan diriku sekali lagi kalau semua memang benar masih pada tempatnya. Check... Sambil termanggu lalu kuyakinkan pada diriku kalau aku melihat bayangan dan itu hanya pikiran ku semata. Sambil terus meyakinkan diriku tentang hal itu, kulanjutkan lagi perjalanan yang terlambat ini.

Loneliness Prayer

2007-07-11T21:31:00.000+07:00

I've known, most of time I won't get what I want,
no matter how hard I tried,
crushing every bones, squeezing tears dry,
should I stopped having wishes? and dreams?
but giving up those dreams will leave my soul empty,
and I couldn't walk my journey without purpose,
people always said, it's the process not the outcome,
but really, I'm on te edge of my reasoning,
but please, ...oh God,
please make this one wish come true,
let me be the one whom You promised for me
for rest of my life...

Mist of Doubts

2007-07-10T01:49:00.000+07:00

I've waited a while, I didn't know if it was worthed,
so I waited again...
I've waited too long, and I'm still don't know what am I waiting for,
but still,... I waited again
And now I've waited long enough,
and it made me wondering if this was really meant to be,
or perhaps I just scared of this uncertainty,
Being a coward and tried to circle the problems,
and perhaps that's why I never reached the end of the line...
to understand the answer of all questions I had.
Or perhaps, it was something I had to do,
so I can break out this cycle,
Or perhaps it was something I should not do...
I had my questions asked to myself,
If the one I know is the one?
or it'll be someone I'll meet in the future?
Or someone I've meet in the past?
Will it be a stranger? whom I've just met in my journey to my work?
or will it be someone who passed me each day
the one who'll always say good morning, good day, good evening?
So we were talked to each other with no knowledge at all,
And we'd talk for hours only to know nothing at all,
That we meant for each other....
Somehow I found this really hillarious...
I started to think that human relationship is one of God's big joke of life,
It should be, considering how boring and lonely it will become,
If you're a God...
So here I am, on the edge of chasm, balancing my feet,
Still looking for answer and something unclear,
or waiting a sign
...in the mist of doubts..

A Leap into the Pit

2007-06-04T21:25:00.000+07:00

Thousands pages I've read,many stories i've heard,
telling me voices of hearts,journey with no end
for unforgetable meeting I've been,
for every joyfull laughter I've shared,
and for each struggle I've done,
How should I see my journey?
With stars won't shed their light,
nor the moon won't smile to me,
And nights keep me close in his darkness,
Where is the road I usually take?
It seems, line of choices has led me ashtray,
I've lost my guidance, and all wishes are fading away,
One hope whom I take won't be my friend at all,
Once again I falling down into a bottomless pit,
But this time, I went down smiling,
though no one will care about it.

Gua ngga ngerti, bener ngga ngerti...

2007-05-29T16:10:00.000+07:00

Dan ternyata gua emang bego berat dan gua emang bener-bener ngga ngerti apa-apa tentang wanita. Makhluk yang satu ini emang dari dulu bikin kepala gua pusing terus. Malah parah-parahnya dulu sampe ganggu kerjaan gua juga. Kadang, dia bisa ngertiin banget, sampe level yang bikin gua takjub berat. Tapi kadang dia minta sesuatu yang berat dan aneh buat gua lakuin, dan itu emang harus dilakuin, kalo ngga gua dijudesin seumur-umur. Terus terang aja, bukannya masalah gua sayang ato kaga waktu gua ngga bisa ngasih apa yang dia minta, emang masalah kemampuan gua aja yang terbatas. Bukannya ngga mau tapi ngga bisa. Gua bukan supermen yang kuat dan bisa terbang, gua bukan paman gober yang tajir berat, gua juga bukan newton yang liat apel jatuh bisa bikin rumus dan gua juga bukan ricky martin yang cakep abis dan jago nyanyi pula. Gua ya gua, yang laper kalo ngga makan, yang ngantuk kalo dah malem, yang ngerasa sakit kalo kejedug tembok dan yang bingung abis kalo dia lagi ngambek berat. Ungkapan bilang, kalo tak kenal maka tak sayang. Tapi masa kalo gua ngerasa bingung ngeliat polahnya dan pengen tau lebih jauh, yang mungkin diartiin masih belum kenal betul juga dianggap ngga sayang?
Ahh... mungkin emang dasarnya gua bego aja kali ato yang diatas emang sengaja waktu ngebuat gua, dah "built in" kaya gini. Tapi ngomong gini, juga bukannya gua ngga mau berubah, cuman jalannya aja yang belum keliatan mo jadi gimana, dengan cara gimana. dan emang belum waktunya aja kali ya?

Hampa

2007-05-26T16:41:00.000+07:00

Dan aku bercermin pada diriku,
mencari sesuatu mengisi kehampaan ini
yang aku tak tahu apa itu.
ujung dunia t'lah kudatangi,
dan masih belum juga kutemukan,
sesuatu masih hilang itu.
kemenangan yang kudapat terasa hambar,
waktu yang ada tidak lagi berarti.
semakin keras aku mencari,
semakin besar kehampaan ini.
dan aku kembali bercermin,
menatap kehampaan yang semakin dalam,
yang menatapku kembali.
dan aku merasa takut...
takut akan kehampaan itu,
yang kini t'lah menjadi bagian diriku,
memakan diriku dari dalam,
perlahan tapi pasti.
kemana lagi harus aku cari,
sesuatu untuk mengisi kehampaan ini?

Kopi, koran dan tidur pagi

2007-05-24T20:55:00.000+07:00

Gua selalu berkata pada diriku sendiri kalo ngga ada lagi yang lebih nikmat daripada nikmatin secangkir kopi susu dipagi hari sambil mbaca koran. Itu kebiasaan yang gua lakuin selama ini. Tapi akhir-akhir ini kenikmatan gua keganggu berat, bukan karena harga kopi atau koran yang naek sehingga gua ga mampu beli lagi, tapi karena gua nemuin keasikan baru.
Bangun pagi, sholat trus tidur lagi! Entah kenapa waktu tidur tersebut jadi yang paling nikmat. Kalo dibilang tidur gara-gara cape juga engga sih, lha wong baru bangun tidur! Apa gara-gara kurang tidur? Engga juga. Gara-gara kerja teratur, sekarang gua udah ngantuk berat kalo jam udah nunjukkin angka 11. Jadi seharusnya saat waktu menunjukkan jam 12, gua udah pindah alam. Itu artinya, kalo bangun subuh jam 5, gua udah tidur sekitar 5 jam lebih. Waktu segitu cukup-lah buat orang seumuran dan seukuran gua. Jadi gua pastiin, bukan dua itu alesannya.
Makin dipikir2 alasannya, kepala gua makin pusing (emang kebiasaan gua yang lain tuh, mikirin hal-hal yang ngga penting). Udah gua tanyain sekampung, buat riset lagi kaya ngerjain disertasi dan laporan akhir, akhirnya gua nyerah abis. Kenikmatan itu gua pandang sebagai berkah aja dari yang diatas, mungkin emang gini keadaannya yang dikasih ama yang diatas, masa kaga disukurin?
Sampe suatu saat, ada obrolan bareng dengan temen yang masalahnya tentang kenikmatan. Semua dibahas, dari sisi politik, ekonomi, budaya, sosial sampe yang ngga ada hubungannya juga ngikut dibahas. Trus sda yang nyeletuk, justru kalo yang sedikit-dikit ato yang nyerempet2 gitu yang bikin suatu hal jadi nikmat.
Apa bener? Tapi mungkin kalo dipikir2 emang bener kali ya? Tidur yang cuman sejam kurang, emang jadi nikmat. Kopi yang cuman secangkir jadi nikmat juga. Mungkin gara2 itu juga kenapa hubungan intim jadi nikmat juga? Ngga kaya babi (buat yang ngga ngerti bisa dapetin referensi dari teman2 lain yang lebih ngerti)
Yah, tapi kalo gua pikir lagi sih, (ngga mikir maksudnya) itu semua emang udah jadi rahasia Ilahi aja dah.

Poor rich People...

2007-05-22T15:43:00.000+07:00

Probably poverty is a bless,
they don't think too much and many,
and they should be happy,
who said they're not happy?
as long as their have their stomach full they're happy,
cause they had their wish fullfilled,
so any one who had their wished fullfilled,
and their burning desire are dead,
and had all happiness for their life,
are poor people.
so happy people are poor people...
what about rich people then?
We can see all the rich people had their things in their life
but they not happy at all
when young they're spoiled,
when mature their had stress,
and when they old they got sickness...
Will you be rich and unhappy?
so happy people are poor people,
but many of poor are not happy...
many of them are blamed destiny and God,
for their miserable live,
and they're not happy when they should be,
is it true then?
If you happy you suposed to be poor,
yet if you're poor, you're not happy...
It's your choice then...
who you want to be is up to yourself,
which one will you pursue?
oh, poor, poor people,
oh, rich, rich people,
it's only in your mind,
so choice being one will you?

Only time will tell

2007-05-22T15:28:00.000+07:00

Thousands stories buried beneath time,
some were lost other were waited to be found,
but what those stories could tell us?
only time will tell.
We often asked to ourself questions,
some with answer but others with none,
but who had right to decide?
only time will tell.
Tired of waiting? Feeling to fast to know?
well..., the test of life never that simple,
whether we pass or not, we won't know,
only time will tell.
Believe me when I said I don't know,
cause I really do,
But how will you know the truth?
only time will tell.

yang tak ku mengerti

2007-05-20T22:09:00.000+07:00

Aku benar-benar tidak tahu,... tidak tahu,
Mungkin aku buta,... buta mata dan juga hati,
Mungkin aku juga tuli,... tidak dapat mendengarkanmu,
Yang aku tahu, ... tidak banyak,
hanya sepenggal kisah, sepotong cerita...,
Aku juga tahu dimana tempatku,
bukan berlagak pasrah tapi kita memang harus menerima kenyataan,
Aku tahu aku jauh dari sempurna,
mungkin malah lebih dekat kepada ketidaksempurnaan,
tapi ini bukan bermaksud menghinakan ciptaan-Mu, ya Allah,
karena aku peduli pada-Mu,
bukan juga bermaksud merendahkan diri meninggikan mutu di mata manusia,
Aku tidak pernah peduli mereka semua, kecuali satu.
Tetapi aku tidak mengerti, dan benar-benar tidak mengerti,
apakah karena kita memang benar-benar berbeda bahasa?

If... just if...

2007-05-18T14:46:00.000+07:00

If you just could see the sun smile,
you'll know how happy he is, being the first sending greeting to the day.
If you just could hear the wind whispering,
you'll know how delighted he is, telling stories of all places.
If you just could feel the mountain move,
you'll know how excited he is, walking to place he never been before.
If I just could touch your heart,
you'll feel that mine will never made of stone.
If I just could see you now,
you'll see how much I'm longing for you...

I don't know a thing

2007-04-25T22:11:00.000+07:00

For everytime we breathe, we make wish to this life...
Sometime it does come true but most of the time it doesn't...
We had our regrets, but we keep going on...
because it is not how many steps we leave behind that count,
but how did we made those steps so each step we take had some meaning.
But hey... we're not perfect being... so sometimes it doesn't really matter,
as long as we talk and listen to ourself, we won't lose our path completly...
what good will it bring if we known what will we became?
The future never speak clearly to us, since it is not our rights to listen to,
Sometime I wondering... about me, us, and all the people...
ahh... probably it is just a shadow to me, but still I cannot hold to it tightly...
cause what will it became is not the question...

Snapshots

2007-04-10T08:53:00.000+07:00

Scene 1
(Di suatu Kampus, hari pertama masuk, lagi upacara ospek)
(cowo, so galak) Hei! Kamu...! Yang pake baju merah! Kesini!
(cewe, ketakutan) Knapa Mas?
(cowo, melotot) Eh?! pake nanya lagi, kaya yang bego!.... Mana pita rambutnya?
(cewe, ngeraba rambutnya, kaget!) ....... Aduuuh.... Ketinggalan Mas!
(cowo, masih galak) Belagu amat! sengaja ditinggalin ya?!
(cewe, memelas) Ngga Mas! bener ko,.... ketinggalan...
(cowo, masih so galak) Ahh... udah deh! Jangan banyak alesan.... Siapa nama kamu?
(cewe, lemes) Dini Mas....
(Bagas) Ya udah! Sana lapor sama sama atasan kamu, bilangin Bagas yang nyuruh... Awas kalo nanti gua cek ternyata kamu ngga lapor!
(Dini) Iya mas....

Scene 2
(Happy Background Music, di suatu kampus, siang hari lagi panas-panasnya)
(Bagas) Din.... ! Diniii....! (ngos-ngosan)
(Dini, lagi jalan, kaget, trus noleh) Ko buru-buru amat? Knapa lari-larian gitu Gas?
(Bagas, excited) Gua keterima Din! Gua keterimaaaa...!!!
(Dini, tersenyum) Wahh selamat ya? Kerjaan di perusahaan itu ya? Yang selalu elo omongin?
(Bagas, excited) Iyaa... akhirnya gua bisa buktiin, kalo gua mau ngga ada yang ngga bisa!...
(Dini) Bagus kalo gitu.... kalo gitu gua bisa minta traktir dong? (senyum...)
(Bagas) Itu sih gampaaang... Mo dimana? Yang paling mahal juga, ayooo....
(Dini) Kalo gitu di mall yang baru itu aja ya....?
(Bagas) Siap.... Nanti sore siap- siap aja ya?

Scene 3
(Slow Background Music, malem hari, di pantai entah dimana)
(Bagas, ngelamun) Nyaman banget selonjoran disini, abis kerja seharian.... langit juga lagi cerah-cerahnya sampe semua bintang keliatan gini....
Din.... Apa elo juga sedang ngeliatin langit yang sama dengan gua? .... Apa elo juga sedang ngeliatin bintang yang sekarang sedang gua liat?....
(saat yang sama, ditempat lain di suatu kota, malem hari dengan hujan lagi deras-derasnya)
(Dini, kehujanan) .... ko jemputan gua belom dateng juga,... gimana sih?.... Bagas lagi ngapain ya?.... Sepi juga klao dia ngga ada....
(cowo, nepuk) Din?! .... kamu Dini kan?
(Dini, kaget) Andi?! Kamu lagi ngapain disini? Katanya kemaren-kemaren kamu kerja di luar negri?
(Andi, senyum) Gua udah balik enam bulan yang lalu... Sekarang, gua kerja disana tuh.... di gedung depan sana.... Gedung B, lantai 32. Elo kerja dimana sekarang?
(Dini) Gua di kompleks yang sama juga.... Tapi di gedung A lantai 24.
(Andi) Wah wah.... Ngga nyangka deh, deketan gitu.....
Eh... mendingan kita ngobrolnya di tempat laen aja deh.... Ngga sehat, ngobrol sambil hujan-hujanan gini ...
(Dini) Waduh.... pengennya sih gitu, tapi skarang gua lagi nunggu jemputan balik nih...
(Andi) ...Hmmm... Kalo gitu, udah deh, kita ngobrolnya di mobil gua aja, sambil gua anterin elo balik....
(Dini) Aduuuh gimana ya? Nanti kalo jemputannya datang gimana?
(Andi) Susah amat! .... ditelpon aja dulu....
(Dini, mikir-mikir) ...Hmmm.... OK deh.... gua ngikut elo aja.... Ngga apa-apa kan?
(Andi) Ya ngga apa-apa dong!... Seneng malah, ada temen ngobrol.... Elo masih tinggal di tempat yang dulu kan?

Scene 4
(Sad Background Music, sore hari di parkiran suatu Mall gede)
(Bagas, marah!) Elo ngga tau Din! betapa sayangnya gua sama elo! Elo bener-bener ngga tau!
(Dini, terisak-isak) Bener Gas.... itu masalahnya.... gua ngga tau perasaan elo ke gua.... gua ngga tau seberapa sayangnya elo sama gua......
Tapi...... ternyata setelah selama ini, gua nyadar.... kalo elo..... ngga bener-bener sayang ama gua!

(to be completed)

Birthday

2007-04-05T10:36:00.000+07:00

For most of people celebrating their birthday(s) is really a must thing to do. The cake, the candles, the balloon, the singing and the people are mixing together, creating a kind of party of their own wishes. For some people the even willing to pay off large sum of money so they can create a party of thier own. You gotta admit, for some occasion, the party itself can be used as a device to shows to others, level status of the party owner in a society strata. Well I'm not aginst them for having such party though. It is their life, their money and their birthday so they can do anything about it for all I care.
For me such party is meaningless. Yes, it is true that by having such party you can share some of the happiness of yourself to others. But for me it is a shame to have such thing. Everytime I wanted a celebrated something for myself, I always ask this question. What deed did I do til I deserve such kind of celebration? The samething with a birthday celebration. Why I should celebrated my lessen time here on this world? Do I really have confidence that each time pass by I move one step closer to heaven?
Some people said it is OK, it is just for showing how much people care to you. Well, I say, no need a day like one's birthday to show how much you care to that person. You can do it anytime you like, by any means. Even if the person doesn't know or care, you can still do it though... :).

Travel by Plane in Indonesia? Nooo wayy..

2007-04-03T14:37:00.000+07:00

Plane Cockpit

(Captain and his Co-Pilot)
Captain! Engine No. 1 is failing! we losing altitude fast!
Put max power to engine no. 2, slowed the failing speed and maintain course!
Captain! Engine No. 2 also failing! what should we do?
Put all remaining power to Engine No. 3!
But Capt... we don't have 3 engine to begin with!
If we got no engine running, then why do ask me what to do?!

.
Announcement by stewardesess

(Stewrdesses and a Passangers)
Dear passanger, well be landing shortly please fasten your seat belt and pray, we'll land safely...
But miss, we cannot find our seat belt anywhere....
Then, Sir and Madamme, please pray harder....
.
Lavatory Area

(Stewrdesses and a Passanger)
Sir...! please Sir... ! The Plane is losing altitude, you should go back to your seat and fasten your seat belt!
Sorry... gotta go now, this is emergency...
.
Kitchen Area

(Two stewardesses)
Hey you! Why do you stashed up so many foods and liquor? Are you going to a picnic?
Just in case if the plane crash, I still have some food to eat and wine to drink..
Yeah rite... that would be good if you see a plane crash as a picnic time...
.
Passangger Seats

(Two Passanger)
(mumble) I don't wanna die... I don't wanna die... Please God don't let me die....
Stop that! it makes me nervous! Mumbling and praying continously like that, and what religion are you in to anyway?
None... I'm an atheist, just in case if God is really exist at least if I pray like this, I can still go to Heaven...
Don't give me that shit...! Not only you an atheist, you're also an opportunist... and that makes you a Jew!

Luggage Area

(Two "scientist wannabe" passangers)

Unload all things we don't need, the plane is losing altitude, we need the plane as light as posible so it can still flying...

(couple minutes later)

Sir! we've unload all things we don't need but the plane still losing altitude, what should we do now?

(think a moment) For the good of the most, we must ask person with the heaviest weight to jump off the plane using available parachute, and then one by one, until the all the parachutes are used...

(couples minute later, after all the parachutes are used)

Done Sir! I think it's working, we're manage to losing one third of the total passanger. Stress level of the plane by weight should be decrease by now.

Good... Now let's ask the pilot to stabilize the plane, let the sacrifices of the people before have some meaning.

But Sir, Captain and the rest of the crew are included into the group before and already jump off the plane!

Why should I?

2007-03-20T23:41:00.000+07:00

Why should you care some one who doesn't care you at all?
Once, a friend ask me the question, and I kind of disagree with her,
If no one care, then who will do it if it's not us?
Once I think that was a noble thing to do
But who really care about that nowdays? Noble or not is not the question...
People always see the result, and never looked how the result comes up,
morality becomes clothes which you can change everytime you wanted it,
Rich, poor, good or bad are instantly judged,
I tried so hard... too hard probably...,
not to letting myself washed away,
I should care more and more,
and try to understand what people feels,
But who am I anyway? A God?
in the end I carry too many guilts and pains,
so now, in these end of my time,
I surprise myself with that question,
why should I care anyone who doesn't care me at all?
yes..., why should I?

Coffee Break

2007-03-19T14:52:00.000+07:00

I got to admit to you, coffee is a God given indrigients,
It can be medicine and poison at the same time,
One spoon plus one-two spoons of sugar is just a fine blend,
Well, I gotta watch my sugar level though...
and if I have a bit of luxury, adding two spoons of milk will be perfect one.
A cup in the morning will make my day shine brightly,
A cup on my work break time will make me stay focus,
A cup after lunch will prevent me sleepy for the rest of day,
A cup in the afternoon will end the day perfectly,
And another cup after dinner... well, it'll only be for my pleasure,
But a cup before long night sleep will be a dissaster...
Keep me awake pass my bed time, pass my yawning time,
Well..., this is my coffee way, care to share some?

In the name of love

2007-03-15T23:33:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, I give my all,
in the name of love...
Tomorrow, I do not know,
what will I do, in the name of love...
But today, I'm really tired,
I do not believe in any, in the name of love...
For every steps I take these days,
its excuse is not, in the name of love...
I wished I knew you sooner than today...

Postulate...???? Nasihat dari teman tentunya...

2007-03-02T22:41:00.000+07:00

Ngga ada sesuatu yang 'biasa' mengenai hubungan antara laki2 dan wanita. Pasti selalu ada sesuatu diantara mereka

Comment: Mungkin ya, mungkin juga... ahh ga tau dah... pusiiiing....

Aya tilu cara ningali hubungan sareng istri teh. Kahiji, anu dijadikeun rencang ameng, kadua dijadikeun rencang bobogohan sareng katilu anu dijadikeun rencang saumur hirup. Jadi mung manggihan istri teh , kedah tiasa ngabedakeun sareng ngajentrekeun. Bade dijadikeun naon ka hareupna...

Comment: Setujuuu...

Katanya sih, menurut kerjaannya ada dua jenis perempuan. Satu, perempuan dengan kerjaan artis ato celebritis. Paras cantik body aduhai, trus yang kalo dihubungi selalu ngomong, "aduuhh... jangan sekarang deh, mo ada syuting nih... nanti kalo kelamaan bisa telat nyampe sana...", atau, "Yang..., nanti kalo jalan bareng jangan deket-deket yah? takut ketauan wartawan kalo gue jalan sama laki2 kaya kamu, miris banget deh...".

Yang kedua, perempuan dengan pekerjaan sebagai guru ato dosen. Fisik mungkin relatif kali ya? (Jarang sekali gua nemuin dosen cewe yang semua murid laki2 ato mahasiswanya setuju kalo dia cantik). Yang kalo pas dihubungin selalu ngomong, "Kenapa? ada pertanyaan lagi? kalo mau kita bahas sekarang biar kedepannya ga ada masalah.", atau, "Kamu tuh ngga salah2 banget ngelakuin kaya gitu, tapi mungkin lebih baik kalo pake cara laen. Kan ke akunya juga lebih enak."

Comment: Ga usah milih2 yang mana kali ya? Fisik kaya artis tapi kerjaannya dosen...

Morning Conversations

2007-03-01T21:36:00.000+07:00

Small talk between me (ME) and friends of mine (F1,2)
F1: Hey, Ms. Angel got another Rich husband... Hmm, it,s just what I thought before, she's just a bitch.
ME: Hey, that's not fair, you cannot judged her like that. She got her reasons, of course...
F2: Yup, sex and money, what else could it be?
ME: Money I can understand, but sex? She was secretly married for three times to old men.
F2: It's the coconut effect my boy, the older it is, the more oily it becomes... and men are just like that... So be proud become one.
ME: Hehehehe.. Yeah, but I wonder, why most of beautifull and pretty women always screwed up like that?
F1: Stupid! If a woman is not pretty, there will be no men wanted to screw her... rite
ME: ... ... you got a point there... yet, I still feeling pity for them...
F2: So? What? Since you're still a bachelor you wanted to 'save' them by marrying them?
ME: Hehehe... you read my mind... No man will reject a gift of marrying to a pretty woman...
F2: Wakakaka... if you wanted to 'save' them, firstly you gotta have yourself screwed , so you can talk at the same language with them... the you married with her, but of course if you do this none of you will be 'saved'...
ME: ... Hmm... you're saying is, one kind of people will met and fit each other for the its kind too?
F2: No, silly, what I'm trying to say is, your feelings will always blinded by lust...
ME: Wakakaka.. then, I got no problem there.... I don't believe in this crappy love any more... lust is all I got now
F1: What.. huh? Got rejected again? wakakaka....or a painfull break-up?
ME: Crap! None of your business! anyway every 'love story' written in my book always ended up badly, so that's my conclusion now. No need l-o-v-e to create a perfect marriage, since there is no one exist...
F2: True... there's no perfect marriage, and all the feelings will burned up after the first 6 months...but you gotta have some base when you got marry some day?
ME: Advice taken, but I live my own life here. Haven't found one love who love me back equally...
F2: Sacrifices my friend, sacrifices... What are you willing sacrificed for your love?
F1: The way I see it, you still got your ego attached to your belly.
ME: Hahaha... Before the last, I was sacrificing all for this feeling, but it seems they can never able to see those.
F1: Patient then, its time factor...it's not your time yet then...
ME: Argh...Don't give that crap again... I'm just soo tired with all of those...really, really tired...

Mama...oh...mama...(sigh)

2007-01-22T14:18:00.000+07:00

Sering saat main bareng teman sampai larut malam, pasti kalau udah lewat jam 9 malem, selalu ada aja telepon-lah ato sms-lah dari nyokap yang nanyain dimana, sedang apa dan kapan balik. Waktu SMP, SMA, kuliahan dan bahkan nyampe sekarang pun, kalo sedang lembur ato terlambat pulang, kebiasaan beliau ngga pernah berubah, padahal dengan umur setua ini seharusnya gua bukan lagi jadi tanggung jawab beliau, malah seharusnya gua yang lebih concern ama beliau.

Saat SMA dulu, ada saat2nya gua kesal banget kalo dibilang anak mami, anak ngga bisa mandiri, mother complex ato apalah..., padahal waktu itu temen2 nongkrong gua kebanyakan dari golongan preman, tukang mabok, penjahat wanita,... ahh.. pokoknya semacam anak2 yang ngga jelas juntrungannya, yang biasa nagog di depan warung rokok, yang kegiatan utamanya kalo ngga judi gapleh, gangguin cewe lewat ato gelut gara2 itu. Kebayang ngga? Ngga elit banget kalo ditelpon nyokap pas lagi on. Pernah saking kesalnya, HP yang ngga tau apa2 ikut2an gua musuhin. Biar gua beneran ngga ngebohong kalo ditanya, HP itu gua pastiin "ketinggalan" di rumah.... wakakaka.... Kebiasaan yang awet ampe masa asistenan. Bukannya ga mampu beli HP baru, tapi kesel aja kalo diteleponin terus, cuman nanya yang gituan. Buat anak2 mahasiswa yang butuh bimbingan, gua pastiin selalu bisa nemuin gua di depan warung kopi belakang kampus sampe malem ...hihihi..... Ampe sekarang pun kadang gua mikir, kalo HP tuh barang yang paling ngeganggu banget. Tapi apa boleh buat, tuntutan kerjaan dan kebutuhan bobogohan yang ngeharusin gua bisa menghubungi dan dihubungin setiap saat.

Selang beberapa tahun kebelakang, sewaktu gua masih merantau di negeri orang gila yang dinginnya bisa nyampe -30 derajad. Gua ngebaca blog dibawah, dan somehow..., setelah membaca blog dibawah, gua keinget omongan nyokap, tiap gua complain ama beliau soal kebiasaannya itu, "Kang,... ntar juga kalo udah punya anak, pasti ngerti deh...". Hmm... sekarang sih, gua masih belom punya anak jadi masih belom ngerti betul. Tapi biar bego gini, dikit-dikit gua bisa ngerti-lah meski ngga semuanya.

Sedikit banyak gua bisa liat semua dari sudut pandang seorang ibu. Abis itu gua bener-bener ngga peduli lagi ama yang lain. Perasaan gua pun yang kadang sampe sekarang kadang masih jungkir balik gara2 nyokap treat gua kaya anak kecil tiap ngelakuin itu ato celaan temen-temen kantor dan main yang tau kalo nyokap nelpon cuman buat nanyain sedang ada dimana, udah kaga gua pikirin lagi. Nyokap gua emang udah kaya gitu dari sananya ko... Lagian kalo dipikir-pikir gua masih beruntung dibanding yang lain, masih punya nyokap yang alhamdulillah sehat dan yang kaya gitu pula perhatiannya ama anaknya....

Somewhat, I'll try my best to make you happy mom...

------

(Diambil dari blog seorang teman)...

------

Cinta ini milikmu Mama

"Rosa, bangun.. Sarapanmu udah mama siapin di meja." Tradisi ini sudah berlangsung 26 tahun, sejak pertama kali aku bisa mengingat tapi kebiasaan mama tak pernah berubah. "Mama sayang, ga usah repot-repot ma, aku sudah dewasa." pintaku pada mama pada suatu pagi. Wajah tua itu langsung berubah.

Pun ketika mama mengajakku makan siang di sebuah restoran. Buru-buru kukeluarkan uang dan kubayar semuanya, ingin kubalas jasa mama selama ini dengan hasil keringatku.. Raut sedih itu tak bisa disembunyikan.

Kenapa mama mudah sekali sedih? Aku hanya bisa mereka-reka, mungkin sekarang fasenya aku mengalami kesulitan memahami mama karena dari sebuah artikel yang kubaca.. orang yang lanjut usia bisa sangat sensitive dan cenderung untuk bersikap kanak-kanak. tapi entahlah.. Niatku ingin membahagiakan malah membuat mama sedih. Seperti biasa, mama tidak akan pernah mengatakan apa-apa.

Suatu hari kuberanikan diri untuk bertanya "Ma, maafin aku kalau telah menyakiti perasaan mama. Apa yang bikin mama sedih?" Kutatap sudut-sudut mata mama, ada genangan air mata di sana. Terbata-bata mama berkata, "Tiba-tiba mama merasa kalian tidak lagi membutuhkan mama. Kamu sudah dewasa, sudah bisa menghidupi diri sendiri. Mama tidak boleh lagi menyiapkan sarapan untuk kamu, mama tidak bisa lagi jajanin kamu. Semua sudah bisa kamu lakukan sendiri"

Ah, Ya Tuhan, ternyata buat seorang Ibu.. bersusah payah melayani putra-putrinya adalah sebuah kebahagiaan. Satu hal yang tak pernah kusadari sebelumnya.. Niat membahagiakan bisa jadi malah membuat orang tua menjadi sedih karena kita tidak berusaha untuk saling membuka diri melihat arti kebahagiaan dari sudut pandang masing-masing.

Diam-diam aku merenungkan. Apa yang telah kupersembahkan untuk mama dalam usiaku sekarang? Adakah mama bahagia dan bangga pada putrinya?

Ketika itu kutanya pada mama. Mama menjawab "Banyak sekali nak kebahagiaan yang telah kamu berikan pada mama. Kamu tumbuh sehat dan lucu ketika bayi adalah kebahagiaan. Kamu berprestasi di sekolah adalah kebanggaan buat mama. Setelah dewasa, kamu berprilaku sebagaimana seharusnya seorang hamba, itu kebahagiaan buat mama. Setiap kali binar mata kamu mengisyaratkan kebahagiaan di situlah kebahagiaan orang tua."

Lagi-lagi aku hanya bisa berucap "Ampunkan aku ya Tuhan kalau selama ini sedikit sekali ketulusan yang kuberikan kepada mama. Masih banyak alasan ketika mama menginginkan sesuatu." Betapa sabarnya mamaku melalui liku-liku kehidupan..

Mamaku seorang yang idealis, menata keluarga, merawat dan mendidik anak-anak adalah hak prerogatif seorang ibu yang takkan bisa dilimpahkan kepada siapapun. Ah, maafin kami mama..... 18 jam sehari sebagai "pekerja" seakan tak pernah membuat mama lelah.. Sanggupkah aku ya Tuhan?

"Rosa, bangun nak.. sarapannya udah mama siapin di meja.. " Kali ini aku lompat segera.. kubuka pintu kamar dan kurangkul mama sehangat mungkin, kuciumi pipinya yang mulai keriput, kutatap matanya lekat-lekat dan kuucapkan.. "Terimakasih mama, aku beruntung sekali memiliki mama yang baik hati, ijinkan aku membahagiakan mama." Kulihat binar itu memancarkan kebahagiaan..

Cintaku ini milikmu, Mama. Aku masih sangat membutuhkanmu.. Maafkan aku yang belum bisa menjabarkan arti kebahagiaan buat dirimu.

Sahabat.. tidak selamanya kata sayang harus diungkapkan dengan kalimat "Aku sayang padamu." Namun begitu, Tuhan menyuruh kita untuk menyampaikan rasa cinta yang kita punya kepada orang yang kita cintai..

Ayo kita mulai dari orang terdekat yang sangat mencintai kita, Ibu.. Walau mereka tak pernah meminta. Percayalah.. kata-kata itu akan membuat mereka sangat berarti dan bahagia.

"Ya Tuhan, cintailah mamaku, beri aku kesempatan untuk bisa membahagiakan mama. Dan jika saatnya nanti mama Kau panggil, terimalah dan jagalah ia disisiMu.. Titip mamaku ya Tuhan.."

Untuk dan oleh semua Ibu yang mencintai anak-anaknya dan semua anak yang mencintai Ibunya..

-------

Zodiac's work and coffee break, 1st 30m

2007-01-16T23:23:00.000+07:00

09.00 am

"Ugh...", keluh Aries melihat setumpuk laporan-laporan yang harus ia baca satu persatu dan merangkumnya menjadi sesuatu yang bisa ia presentasikan untuk bosnya nanti jam setelah makan siang. Pikirannya membatin antara kewajibannya untuk menyelesaikan laporan kerja itu atau mengunakan haknya, 15 menit coffee break. Mengingat pengalamannya semasa di bangku kuliahan, yaitu selalu menyelesaikan soal ujian semesteran pada waktu 10 menit terakhir "injury time" dengan hasil minimal C, Aries lebih memilih untuk menggunakan haknya terlebih dahulu.
"...biar seger nih... pagi-pagi minum kopi...palingan cuman 5 menitan", pikir Aries. Suatu rutinitas yang wajib dilakukan tiap pagi, mengingat ia menderita jet-lag berkelanjutan akibat perbedaan waktu antara jam kerja dan jam biologisnya. Secangkir kopi hitam penuh kafein akan menahan kelopak matanya pada tempatnya, sampai makan siang nanti.

09.05 am

Melihat keluar jendela dan melihat langit yang biru sambil meminum kopi pahit dan melayangkan pikiran selain dari pekerjaan, dapat sedikit menyegarkan pikiran Aries. Sampai suatu ketika lamunannya dibuyarkan oleh tepukan lembut seseorang dipundaknya.
"Hey, masih pagi udah ngelamun...gimana sih? Si bos n'tar nanyain loh?"

"Waahh..?!, Ahh...kirain siapa, bikin kaget aja...ampir aja mati kesedak tau..!", balas Aries. "Si Bos? Ah biarin aja, nanti juga pas makan siang ketemuan koq, nyantai aja...", lanjut Aries."Nah situ sendiri, koq udah istirahat juga? Eh... terus, yang kemaren itu, presentasinya jadi gimana Ni?", Aries balik bertanya.
Gemini namanya, seorang wanita berwajah manis, dengan postur aduhai, adalah salah satu target dari sejumlah bujangan di tempat kerja. Sampai mereka semua tahu kalau mereka harus bersaing dengan Sagitarius, seorang eks-mud darah biru di salah satu perusahaan asuransi terbesar di kota ini. Bibit, bebet dan bobot Sagitarius akan membuat ciut percaya diri laki-laki manapun yang coba mendekati Gemini. Apalagi ditambah rumor kalau pacar Gemini ini mempunyai sepasukan tukang pukul dari ormas tertentu, yang selalu dibacking polisi setempat beserta jajaran Muspida. Rumor lain menyebutkan kalau Sagitarius juga adalah bandar narkoba paling berkuasa di kota ini. Untungnya Mang Encang, pemilik warung "Narkoba" di depan kantor tidak bersaing dengannya meski dia juga sama menjual Narkoba dengan jenis lain, yaitu nasi rames, kopi dan mie baso.

Sesaat bercakap dengan Gemini, pikiran Aries melayang, saat percakapan dengan sahabatnya, Taurus mewanti-wantinya soal wanita... "Ingat Ries, filosofi tentang wanita itu selalu mirip dengan slogan di toko2 pecah belah", kata Taurus."Hah? slogan di toko2 gituan? Apa iya ya?", tanya Aries."Iya lah, liat aja, mereka itu mirip barang pecah belah, "fragile", jadi... you can see but cannot touch. Trus kalo engga mau beli, yaaa...don't touch if don't wanna buy, sebab ...when you breaks it you buy it.", jelas Taurus sembari menggunakan bahasa asing, mungkin biar kedengeran lebih gaya."kalo emang niat dapetin, kadang kita beruntung bisa dapetin discount. Tapi paling berabe kalo discount-nya berbentuk ...buy one get one free", lanjut taurus"Ohhh... iya deh...", Aries mengangguk perlahan dan mengiyakan, meski tidak mengerti apa yang dikatakan sahabatnya itu.
Dan sampai sekarang Aries masih tetap tidak mengerti apa yang dikatakan sahabatnya itu. Yang ia tahu, sekarang ia mempunyai secangkir kopi pahit favoritnya, langit biru di jendela yang menenangkannya dan seorang gadis manis sebagai teman bicaranya. Apalagi yang bisa ia minta? Dengan otak udangnya yang jelas-jelas tidak pernah dipakai, Aries tidak pusing memikirkan apakah ia akan pulang dengan selamat sehabis kerja nanti.

"Aku? sekarang sih lagi nyantai, kerjaanku tentang proyek A udah kelar. Trus tentang presentasinya? Yaa... biasa aja, engga ada yang aneh-aneh ko. Emang kenapa?" jawab Gemini.
"Yaaaa... engga sih, selain karena aku ngga punya bahan obrolan lain, aku butuh hasil rapat yang kemaren buat presentasiku nanti..... Meskipun sebenarnya nanti pun aku bisa aja nanya ama sekertaris Bos-ku koq.." Jawab Aries datar. Gemini tersenyum dan percakapan ini berlanjut.

09.10 am

...masih membahas tentang rapat yang kemarin, lalu percakapan berubah membahas teroris dan bom yang ngga pernah abis-abis, lalu kemungkinan harga BBM naik lagi yang lalu dikaitkan dengan kenaikan harga kosmetik dan diskon besar-besaran di setiap Factory outlet yang ada di kota ini, yang tentu saja ngga ada hubungannya sama sekali.

09.20 am

... Aries melihat jarum jam dan sadar, kalau ini sudah melebihi 15 menit istrahatnya. Setelah menimbang keberadaan bosnya yang jauh dari meja kerjanya dan keyakinan bisa menyelesaikan laporan dalam waktu singkat, ia berkeputusan untuk memperpanjang break timenya dan menambah lagi secangkir kopi dan melanjutkan percakapannya dengan Gemini, sambil mencoba mengkonfirmasi sejauh mana kebenaran gosip tentang Sagitarius dari Gemini yang tentu saja hasilnya nol besar. Dimata Gemini, Sagitarius adalah lelaki ideal, penuh perhatian, setia dan segudang sifat lain yang membuat setiap wanita berlomba jadi pacarnya. Oleh karena itu Aries menyimpulkan dua hal dari cerita Gemini ini, yang pertama adalah kalau Sagitarius itu seorang homoseksual yang ngga ngaku kalo dia itu seorang gay, karena secara logika laki-laki, ngga mungkin ada lelaki sebaik dan selembut Sagitarius kalo bukan gay. Dan yang kedua Gemini itu seorang lesbian yang pura-pura punya pacar lelaki, karena udah tau kalo Sagitarius adalah Gay tetapi tetep ngaku-ngaku sebagai pacarnya Sagitarius. Tetapi meski apapun kenyataannya, Gemini tetap merupakan wanita yang cantik dan Aries betah ngobrol dengan dia. (Laki-laki mana yang ngga?)

09.25 am

Saat percakapan memanas, sesorang datang tanpa diundang. "Yoo... Lagi ngopi nih? Ikutan dong...". Libra bergabung untuk secangkir kopi pula. Sambil menyalakan rokok dengan gayanya yang khas, sambil duduk dan melipat kaki dan memainkan kumisnya yang baplang, percakapan pun berubah 180 derajat. Libra mulai bercerita, sambil menyombongkan dirinya, kalau dia sedang dalam proses pembelian sebidang tanah dan rumah di daerah elit, yang harganya mendekati 9 digit. Jelas-jelas hal ini merupakan suatu kebohongan yang nyata karena baru kemarin Libra mengeluhkan naiknya harga pulsa telepon dan BBM yang harus dibayarnya. Selain tukang ngibul, Libra juga adalah tukang rokok di kantor. Satu-satunya kelebihan yang dimiliki Libra adalah dia ngga akan pernah kehabisan rokok jenis apa saja, dan dia berbaik hati membaginya dengan siapa saja teman kongkownya. Karena itu dia juga dapat dikategorikan sebagai "orang gaul" karena semua perokok di kantor ini pasti kenal dengan dia. Ditambah lagi gosip dari Libra merupakan berita terkini yang hebohnya ngga ada dua. Tapi karena semua orang udah tau kalo dia sering ngibul tentu saja semua gosip yang dia ceritain...yah hanya cuman jadi gosip yang masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan.

"Kemaren gua liat Pa Z masuk ke kantor berdua dengan Ibu X, gila ngga tuh? mereka berdua kan udah nikah?" cerita Libra."Masa masuk kantor sendiri-sendiri? Kaya orang lagi musuhan aja sih? Ga apa-apa kali, kalo datengnnya bersamaan?", sanggah Gemini. "Nah justru itu, ko kenapa datengnya bisa bersamaan? Kenapa ngga misah aja?", tanya Libra. "Gimana mau misah, lha kita ini memang harus masuk sebelum bel bunyi kan? kalo udah lewat waktunya itu disebut terlambat dan bisa dimarahi bos besar.", jawab Aries. "Lho, apa hubungannya bel masuk, terlambat ama mereka yang dateng sama-sama Ries?", tanya Libra. "Yaa, ngga ada lah...", jawab Aries santai. Gemini tersenyum simpul sementara Libra memaki-maki Aries.

09.30 am

Tiba-tiba, Pisces datang menerjang dengan wajah kusut seperti seseorang yang sedang memanggul seekor gajah dipundaknya. Melihat keadaan seperti ini, Aries dan Gemini memilih untuk berpura-pura tidak tahu dan menganggap semua biasa saja. mereka menyapa Pisces tanpa pertanyaan, hanya dengan cengiran tanpa dosa. Lain dengan Libra yang berdiri membelakangi pintu masuk, dia tidak melihat raut wajah Pisces, dan menyapanya saat ia sadar Pisces sedang menuangkan kopi ke cangkirnya.
"Weh, Pisc?... Gua tuangin juga dong, sekalian... Nagapain kesini? Bukannya sibuk terus ngurusin Mr. Doraemon?"
Hasilnya, seperti bendungan pecah dan air bah datang menggulung. Mereka semua, terutama Libra, disembur dengan cerita tanpa henti mengenai Mr. Doraemon, bosnya, yang isinya terpaksa harus disensor dengan alasan kesopanan. Akhirnya badai itu reda setelah 5 menit kata makian yang selalu disertai kata maaf di setiap kalimat yang dikatakannya ditambah lagi dengan 3 cangkir kopi pahit yang ditenggak langsung tanpa gula. Melihat keadaan ini Aries dan Gemini teramat sangat khawatir, sebagai pencinta kopi mereka berdua merasa sangat berdosa membiarkan tiap cangkir kopi yang diambil Pisces, ditenggak habis tanpa dinikmati terlebih dahulu. Hampir berbarengan, mereka berdua langsung memegangi tangan Pisces dan menyelamatkan cangkir kopi yang ke 4 yang baru saja terisi. Sementara Aries sibuk dengan cangkir kopi Pisces, Gemini mencoba meluruskan suasana yang sedang kacau dengan mengajak Pisces berbicara lebih pelan. Sementara itu Libra masih asyik bermanggut ria, dia mengalami syok berkelanjutan akibat diterjang kata-kata Pisces yang ngga ada ujung pangkalnya.

What's a life wanted?

2007-01-15T22:48:00.000+07:00

A road leading to the grave, for every mortal soul will endure,
but will I be safe? even I would not be so sure...

If a life meant for a journey then I'll take the journey,
If a life meant of hardwork then I'll do that too, I say
and also if a life meant for lashes of pain,
I'll bear all the pain life given without a whine.

but can I be a a little selfish? Can I have a little bit of happiness?
finding someone who looked me as I am?

I'm not looking for someone I can look up to like the sky,
I'm not looking someone that can support me like a pillar,
for I'm a man and have my pride.

all I want is someone I can talk to,
someone who speak truth about everything,
someone I could tell the truth about everything,
being my gate and my wall for my home,

will I find someone like that before my grave came?
what's a life really wanted from me?

Last Night

2007-01-11T22:53:00.000+07:00

The moon was full and shine so bright,
while stars were dancing around her,
With the wind blow gently through her hair,
singing love songs and light up the night,
But all those beautifull things around,
couldn't reach me at all,
seem like a cold wall of loneliness,
had separate my body and soul.

I'm really sorry, oh my beautiful Night Angel,
for all your effort cheering my heart,
just wasted completly.

I promise you, next time you came around,
I'll sing along with you, dancing above the clouds,
for now, I want me only for myself.

Questions

2007-01-11T01:39:00.000+07:00

I do not need all the the love you have,
A little bit your affection is enough to warm my heart.

I do not need you to know me well,
We have our differences, so we won't think the same,
But I need myself to understand your thoughts and doings,
Cause your existance have a lot meaning to my soul.

If you can see me pure, you'll know I'm sincere,
When you see me through, you'll see I'm never far from you,

And if I can asking you now,
When? Why? and How?

Distance

2007-01-10T00:54:00.000+07:00

There are no distance in the world nowdays. If I recall, like 10 years back I need aproximately 4 hours to reach Jakarta from my hometown Bandung. Now, its only take less than half of previous time. Who knows, in the next few years ahead the time needed will be lessen than that.

I always see "distance" as a word, merely reflecting inabilty to coupe with difference in time and places. If you look into a dictionary, a word distance also related with word "far" and "near". Yet those two words are realy subjective to measure. I remember when I was doing a field reasearch on a remote area, I was searching the village leader. One villager said that the leader was in his house, which located on the next valley. He said,"His house is really near. It's only crossed that one hill and one valley to that direction". He pointed into a direction to the jungle. Me and a friend look each other, and reluctant to go to that direction. Crossing a jungle would be take too much time so it was not really a good idea. The villager was confincing us by his words,"There's a dirt road going directly to his house and it only take 2 hours aproximately going there". We're bought by his words and take his advice. But you know what? the place he was said "near" was really very very far away and it took almost 5 hours to go there. Dang! from that moment when I asked direction to a local people, I always double the amount of what they say.

See? The word "distance" is only a perspective which only exist in our mind. It is up to us, humans, how we see things connected. But the problems is.... We, human, almost never see things in a same way, even a twin. We communicate to each other to shorten the "distance", so we can understand each other and have mutual understanding, so there will be no distance between the two. Nevertheless, even when we talk to each other, we always have boundaries, walls and barriers which sometimes can be irritating. Well, to tell you the truth, it is good to have those limits, normal people will have those limits such as like one person rights, But there are limits which can be crossed and cannot be crossed at any cost.

We have to be able to recognize such limits and negotiating those, so the communication could take place and the people involved are able to understand each other. Isn't that what we all wanted? Understanding one another and create a peace world? Well this is for people who're willing to understand each other, but for other who do not know how to understand, or to who're not willing to do so or not care at all, the warld "distance" will be scretched away and used as a gap to show the difference which is likely, it's not really that different at all.

Meetings

2007-01-08T01:03:00.000+07:00

By any chance, lately I met some celebrities in this country, and seriously because I'm someone who's alergic of camera and spotlight, meeting them was really out questions

Late december, I was attending a workshop sponsored by Departement of Energy and Mineral Resources. It was written on the invitation that the workshop would be opened by Minister of Energy and Mineral Resources, and every attendant should dress properly, wearing long shirt and a tie. I said, what the heck!, I've invited into several workshops before with its invitation said that they'll be opened by some important people and we should wear such a suit accordingly. Yet, everytime I wear those outfit, they never showed up. FYI, I really hate wearing long shirt with tie, to much trouble making the right knot, so at that time I just wear shirt with a so-so trouser and my old black sneaker(!). I came early and sat at the second row next to my boss. And when the workshop began, It did opened by the Minister himself! Crap! The room was full with reporters and journalists. At that time I just hope every important people there didn't notice me and somehow I missed all the shot done by the fotographers and cameramen. I'd brought shame to my office if somehow they had a chance and asked me where I was working. So, I kept my silence and try to hide from the view. And even when the discussion session began I never dare to join and ask any question.

And then, couple days before new year eve, I went to my friend's sister wedding in Bandung. I know my friend from elementary school, and later we even went to same highschool, and he was far from good student. I never know his family connected to such important people. Medco Co. owner, the Panigoro's family came, some important people from parlement also came and even celebrities! That was the first time I saw Maudy K, the actrees in person. Whoa! she was so damn gorgeous, no wonder my mom always said I should find a wife like her. The comedian actor Indra B, also came. Hmm... never thought he was so small.

And then yesterday, when I was shopping in a supermarket late at night, a lady pass me by in groceries section. I felt that I've seen her before (Hell yeah! she was cute, of course every normal man would feel to know her), until she went and talked to a guy who address her as his wife, and I was suprise when I saw the guy. He was Andika, the guy who force to quit from a famous band, Peterpan. Somehow I managed to talk to him and express my feelings o him about that event (Yeah, he don't deserve that attitude, especially because he was one of the founder of the band and named it). He just said thanks for my attention and continue accompanying his wife buy things. (what else do I expect? Getting invited to his house?). He was nice man though.

So, in less than three weeks, somehow the destiny arranged me to met some of known celebs and important people who shape the face of this country, and I should gratefull for this, for being able to learn one or two things from them. But you know what? whenever I think of this again, I'm became really, really sad. It's because the destiny have not allow me to meet the one who I'm supposed to meet. She, who's willing to share her dreams and happines with me. Or I had already meet her but somehow neither I or her had realize it yet?

Twist of life

2007-01-07T18:37:00.000+07:00

I'm through expecting in this life. It seems that "destiny" always had another plan for me. No matter how hard I try, it seems all my planing for my mundane life almost never succeded. And if I looked back again to those failures, there're always questions erupted in my mind, "have I really tried hard enough?", "Should I did this instead of that?", or "Should I've done nothing at all when I did that?".
I know, I know .... I've shouldn't do that. Anything that passed away is past and we cannot change a thing of those events. All I can do is learn from those so I'll never make the same mistake again. But which one is a mistake and which one is not? A choice in this life is never really a mistake as long as you have a solid reason(s) for that! You know what? It's really a miserable feelings, where you're literally hopeless and do not have any power to change things happening when everything are crumble infront of your eyes.
I've always believe, that with God permit, one's life is depend on one's effort for that. And I still believe in those words. But it seems that God's plan is always different with mine. So lately I started to think that I haven't pray enough. My own believe to my own pray is not as strong as I thought. Does my faith to Him weakening each day pass by without my awareness?
I really cannot think of any other excuse for these failures. I just truly really hope (not to expect! and dream things which haven't hapenned yet, and making foolish plans based on hollow asumptions!) that God do really love me and give me another chance and somehow His working plans is really the best for me.
Well, It's sound that I'm really selfish, but Hell yeah! I have every right to be selfish! I'm just only a human after all... For being at the lowest point in my life I do have the right to be selfish!

Firm resolution, Bad occasion.

2007-01-01T21:52:00.001+07:00

I started this year with firm resolution,
make 2 of my dreams come true,
first is to building a house on a piece of land I own, like sooo long ago,
second is to getting married to a fine woman of my dream,
and create a blessed family of my own,
but....
regarding of the last....
I accidentely opened a freakin Pandora box!
Crap!!
May I able to learned the best thing from this...
wish me luck...

I''m not ready to let you go

2006-12-30T11:55:00.000+07:00

An old song had just played in my car when I drove back home last night.
Years before, I like it because of the rhytm. But yesterday when I really listened to it, it's making me seeing moments of moments in my head.
Yeah... seems that I'm being dellusional again, like old times, when I always lost to my self....
but now days its different. Today I can say, even to myself that Ill never go off from center of my self no matter what.
I got not just only hope but also faith for everything happening in front of me, that everything is Allah's will, and I submitted to what'll happen next.
and this is because of you....

Postcard from heaven
by lighthouse family

If you never say goodbye
To the best thing in your life
There are things you don't appreciate
At all

So it's best that you don't try
Holding back the time
Are you ever gonna be
Quite satisfied

Postcard from heaven
Go to where you belong
Never find the perfect situation
Untill you know where you're from

If you ever say goodbye
No regrets, I won't ask why
And I wish you all the best luck
In the world

Should you ever change your mind
Holding back the sunshine
Are you ever gonna be
Quite satisfied

Postcard from heaven
Go to where you belong
Never find the perfect situation
Untill you know where you're from

PS.
and I'd never, ever said any goodbye to you,
but it doesn't mean I neglected your existance somehow,
on the contrary you are the center of my life,
I always know where I belong, thanks to you.
I don't know what the future holds for us,
but for now,...
I'll hold on to your hands you're given to me back then,
when you made me promise to you.

Foolish thing to do

2006-12-15T19:27:00.000+07:00

I was force to believe
there are two certain uncertainties living in this world,
the first was one person destiny,
and second one was women thoughts...
Hell yeah...!
First she said OK, I'll go with you,
Second, we should take time,
then, won't you come here later?
I'm really too old for a game of love,
this really chipped my spirit away,
the good thing come from this event were...
IT make me worked like hell,
so I can realease all meaningless emotion into something usefull,
and IT makes me tend to talk too much,
making lame jokes just to get audience atention,
until some one wakes me up, "Hey man, are you all rite?"
GAH! that line remind me to one of my lecturer back in Britts
Anyway, I was a fool and always doing foolish thing...
so, you better stay where ever you are!

free...

2006-11-21T17:47:00.000+07:00

Queen said, I want to break free,
Wallace said, freedom!
Zen said, free yourself from anything then you can truly be free...
Ohh... I tried,.... i tried so hard these time,
all I wanted for my life is not absolute free,
so many things shackled my souls to the ground,
all I wanted for life just a little bit freedom and a little bit happiness,
but I understand nothing is free in this reality,
to gain something you have to exchange it with something,
and for your feelings, I'll trade almost everything,
and you know it, and you never take anything for granted,
zillons words wouldn't enough to express what I feel inside,
I don't have any regrets and I hope you also feel the same...
so now I don't wanna be free anymore....

A wisdom words?

2006-10-28T18:09:00.000+07:00

"Sharing a misery is half of the misery itself, while sharing a happiness is double of the happiness itself." - a swedish saying.

Rose

2006-10-16T23:24:00.000+07:00

Rose is still a rose what ever its name are...

The Old Man Walking

2006-10-15T21:18:00.000+07:00

The old man is walking slowly,
draging his old feet away one by one,
his old rugged cloth is wet by his sweat,
but his eyes is shine and focus ahead,
under the smiling sun upon his straw hat,
he breathe the hot air heavily for each step he take,
dusty road made his old face wrinkle even more,
with the weight of his bag on his back,
he keep walking ahead, slowly,
keep dragging his old feet away one by one,
he stopped once a while to resting his shoulder,
then he's wandering to his wife back home,
but whenever her smile comes to his mind,
he get the load up and worked his old feet again,
with a smile on his face he walk again, slowly,
in his mind he see his wife smile for him,
when he came home with some rice in his bag,
and she cooked dinner for both of them,
so he can say how good the dishes was,
to share the same old stories and laugh together,
so the old man walking again, slowly,
draging his old feet away one by one.

My Memories

2006-10-13T23:37:00.000+07:00

They're not really exist cuz they're inside your head,
and there's no life or dreams without them,
they became stories when you believe in them,
when others start to believe in them too,
they became history...,
but when they changed lives of many people,
they become legend...,
that's why people live their live and dreams with them,
hope they had some stories to tell to,
so their live had some meaning to this universe,
I'm also one of those people,
and my story started when I met you,
you are my memories...

Oh woman...

2006-09-10T13:55:00.000+07:00

Oh... woman, I'm just a man,
with everything thing I've done each night and day,
it may be silly when you think of it
but you gotta know I did all for you...

Oh... Woman, how can I explain,
for everything is already got its own way,
I cannot change what time already writen,
and you hardly listen and hardly understand,

Oh woman, I love you....
would you hear me out once again?
Oh woman, I need you....
would you try to understand?

Yang bisa kuberikan sekarang

2006-08-24T04:04:00.000+07:00

sebentuk perhatian yang kuberikan,
mungkin tidak seramai jiwamu yang indah,
hanya sebuah ungkapan kasih biasa,
seperti yang biasa kau lihat dengan pasti,
bukan ombak yang memecah batu karang
atau angin yang membelah cadas terkeras,
hanya api yang perlahan membara,
tanpa henti selama nafas berhembus,
mungkin takkan cukup semua ini,
tuk hangatkan hatimu yang beku,
maaf, sungguh teramat maaf...
hanya itu yang bisa kulakukan sekarang,
karena jiwaku pun bukan milikku lagi.

Old poet

2006-08-19T04:35:00.000+07:00

I think I wrote this one couple years back. I forgot whether this one unfinished, unwrite or unsend to the one whom meant to received it....

Twinkle little star on the sky

Last night I saw a star, shining so bright,
almost light the night,
most beautifull entity I've never seen,
like a child I tried to catch it,
this is my star, I said, I gotta have it,
so I jumped and then I fell,
I jumped again and I fell again,
I tried so hard, I was trying too hard,
too angry, too sad and too frustrated,
why I cannot have it?
I looked up again and clouds was covering the night,
the darkness came, blinding my eyes,
suddenly drops of water falling down,
cooling off my hot angry head, then I realized,
I was so stupid, I said,
beautifull things were belong in the sky,
It'll playing with others, the moon and the clouds,
I was so stupid, I said,
my place is here,
wallking on earth with all mud and dirt,
so be it then, and I laughed so hard....,
now the rain has stopped, the clouds are gone,
just like my wishes, the night is clear again,
and there it is, there is my beautiful star,
so I smile to it and it still shine so bright,
almost light up the night,
so I just lying down on the grass,
looking up to the sky as it was,
admiring its grace and beauty,
I smile then fall asleep and had a dream,
In one clear night,
I send my smile to a star and it's smiling back to me,
it coming down to me and wishpering these words to my ears,
I'll light your path and stay by your side through the night...

for you, the star of my heart,
sorry, thank you and good bye...

Rumput-rumput yang mengering

2006-08-11T04:32:00.000+07:00

Saat itu masih gelap dan aku terbangun,
ditengah padang rumput yang hijau,
sebuah surga dunia dimana semua orang berlarian,
tanpa kenal waktu, tanpa kenal lelah.
Satu persatu mereka berpergian,
mencari tempat, menjalani cinta, mengarungi hidup,
tapi aku masih terdiam disana...
mungkin menunggu sesuatu, tapi aku juga tak yakin,
mungkin takut menghadapi kenyataan baru,
tapi aku masih tak yakin,
aku masih mencoba mengamini ilusi yang terlihat,
menetepkan hati tanpa sesal....
tetapi semakin lama, makin kusadari,
tak ada teman berlari lagi dan..
padang rumput yang hijau ini sudah mengering...

sebuah jalan dan pertanyaan

2006-06-12T05:04:00.000+07:00

Tiupan angin berlayar kembali,
membeli sepucuk waktu yang telah layu,
tapi tetap kubawa meski tanpa harap,
dan aku bergulir perlahan sampai ketujuan,
menetak pintu, menyibakkan tirai,
melihat apakah engkau ada disana,
termenung sejenak...,
menunggu dalam hempasan ombak,
wahai kepingan jiwa yang merana,
engkaukah itu?
seribu tanya dan seribu hening yang ada,
pedih menerpa tanpa ada satu nama,
aliran sungai yang datang terus tertawa,
karena dunia adalah parodi semata,
dan kutemukan diriku kembali,
di jalan yang sama dengan warna yang berbeda...

Putus asa

2006-05-27T02:09:00.000+07:00

Kesadaranku mulai berdetik kembali,
handphone yang berdering tanpa suara,
pukulan di pintu yang tak kudengar,
menyambut pagiku yang baru...
dan tak ada kata terucap,
sunyi, semua hanya suatu kesunyian belaka,
apakah aku bermimpi? tidak!
mata sudah terbuka tapi semua tak terartikan,
gelap dan hampa tanpa cahaya....

Nama yang berbeda

2006-05-23T21:49:00.000+07:00

Apa sih arti sebuah nama?
karena rangkaian kata itu menunjuk satu makna,
mengapa itu menjadi suatu yang berarti,
bila semua menginginkan suatu persamaan yang hakiki,
semua ingin melihatnama meraka dalam kaca,
nama lain dalam benak mereka adalah hina.

Sedih sekali rasanya padahal tanah yang diinjak sama,
tidak bisakah mereka duduk tanpa saling tunjuk,
saling melihat, saling mendengar dan saling merasakan,
meski nama berbeda tapi disusun oleh abjad yang sama,
begitu jauhkah suatu perbedaan karena suatu nama?
sampai mereka hanya bisa bicara dengan rasa sakit?

Apa sih arti sebuah nama?
andai semua nama bertanya sedemikian rupa...

Pikiran, ko ada?

2006-05-08T22:32:00.000+07:00

Kadang kita berpikir tentang segala...
Mungkin saja hidup ini hanya mimpi belaka,
mungkin saja tidak ada surga dan neraka,
mungkin saja reinkarnasi itu ada,
dan memang mungkin tai kucing rasa coklat..
tapi tentu saja semua itu salah,
dan tentu saja semua itu mimpi belaka?
yang pasti semua itu gila,
dan kenapa mendengarkan orang gila?
karena manusia bisa terbang dan berjalan di bulan?
atau karena mimpi yang mustahil itu terwujud?
atau karena memang benar ada cinta didunia?
atau percaya pada sang pencipta?
kurasa, semua terjadi karena...
kita memang bodoh,
dan sadar kalau kita bodoh,
makanya kita tidak mau jadi orang bodoh,
tetapi apakah dengan demikian kita sudah menjadi pintar?
atau merasa lebih pintar dari yang lain?

Ahh.. tapi kelihatannya tidak juga...
memangnya apa yang kita ercayai?
mungkin satu-satunya alasan kita berpikir,
karena Sang Pencipta memberikan itu pada kita...

Siapa dia?

2006-05-05T22:53:00.000+07:00

Matahari yang memandang,
tak seindah mata yang kupandang,
seberkas cahaya rasa menerpa,
membutakan mata hatiku...

Sesaat ku terpana, hanya sesaat,
cukup untuk mencuri nafasku,
hanya satu moment yang hilang,
takkan terlupa selamanya...

Siapakah dia?
gadis manis bermata indah,
yang baru saja menyapaku,
dimana kita pernah bertemu?

Hanya sejenak saja

2006-05-04T23:59:00.000+07:00

Saat cahaya mulai meredup dan awan berlarian pulang,
membiaskan cahaya merah temaram diujung jari,
dan aku termanggu sejenak, ditepian tebing curam,
melihat kebawah, saat bayangan mentari menghilang.

Petak sawah terbingkai pantulan kaca cahaya,
sepanjang kali kecil menyeruak berlekuk, indah,
dan sejenak rasa itu melintas dalam benakku,
kekaguman yang tentram tanpa batas...

Mungkin aku berjalan tidak setinggi orang lain,
perjalananku cukup sampai di tebing ini,
dimana puncak masih terlihat menantang,
dan lembah indah yang menungguku pulang,

Sejenak saja, saat memuaskan dahaga dari termos kecil,
sambil memuaskan perasaan ini,
pertanyaan kehidupan datang menghampiri,
apa yang kutakutkan dalam perjalanan ini?

Takutkah? ataukah memang terbatas kemampuan?
ragukah? ataukah memang tak ada niat melanjutkan?

Kututup kembali semua saat seorang teman memanggil,
dan istirahat sejenak ini cukuplah berlalu,
dan kutinggalkan semua pertanyaan ditepi tebing itu,
tempat dimana sejenak kurasakan keagungan Sang pencipta.

Kenapa harus Cinta?

2006-05-02T01:17:00.000+07:00

Kenapa harus cinta?
karena cinta itu ketertarikan semata?
tapi cinta bukan cuma kata belaka
dan cinta juga bukan masalah harta,
cinta juga bukan hanya peluk mesra,

jadi kenapa harus cinta?
karena hanya cinta yang ada?
tapi cinta bukanlah segalanya,
dan cinta juga adalah segalanya?
mungkin karena itu kita butuh cinta.

Dewasa?

2006-04-29T21:52:00.000+07:00

"...jadi tua itu pasti, tapi jadi dewasa itu adalah pilihan..."

Kenapa yah, kalo liat teman sepermainan dulu, mereka tampak lebih dewasa, lebih arif dalam menyikapi hidup. Untukku, satu langkah awal dalam hidup ini yang begitu penting sebelum nanti mati, "being an adult", kelihatannya tidak pernah tercapai. Ya perasaan ini selalu bilang, kalau diriku ini masih belum bisa disebut dewasa, (... mungkin ngga akan pernah kali...), dan harus terus belajar, sampai nanti bisa ngomong kalau pilihan2 yang kuambil dalam hidup ini adalah "the right one".

Kalau melihat kebelakang, sepertinya ngga ada pilihan hidupku yang bisa aku bilang, itu adalah the best choice from the rest at that time... Bukannya aku ngga belajar dari pengalaman, tapi simpul hidup yang berikutnya, ngga pernah ada satu pun yang sama. Sehingga, seringkali aku merasa, kalau semua pembelajaran yang telah dilalui ini merupakan suatu kesia-siaan belaka. Belajar dari pengalaman orang lain mungkin yang selama ini selalu menjadi "guidance book" yang kupakai, dengan limitasinya yang begitu nyata.

Terus terang, aku sudah malas memikirkan hal seperti ini, tetapi inilah yang namanya hidup, entah kenapa pertanyaan2 kecil tanpa makna seperti ini, selalu kembali padaku.

Kenapa mereka menderita?

2006-04-26T01:39:00.000+07:00

Tuhan, kenapa ya Tuhan?
kenapa si kecil harus terus menangis?
sosok yang seharusnya berlarian, tertawa,
hanya dapat menangis, dan terus menangis,

Tuhan oh Tuhan,
dia baru saja membuka mata didunia,
mengapa ia harus menderita?
para orang tua-lah yang seharusnya Kau hinakan...

Tuhan, karena itu oh Tuhan yang bijaksana...
berikan cahaya pada hamba-Mu,
untuk dapat mengerti dengan benar,
maksud-Mu dan tujuan-Mu, cerita di dunia,

Tuhan, oh Tuhan yang maha Agung,
berikanlah pertolongan pada mereka,
dengan keajaibankah, dengan tangan yang lainkah,
aku percaya, Kau yang maha adil...

Tuhan, oh Tuhanku maha pengasih,
hati ini sungguh pedih rasanya,
segala upaya yang dilakukan, tanpa daya..
tidak dapat membuat dia berhenti terisak...

Tuhan oh Tuhanku penguasa sejagat...
berilah aku sedikit kekuatan,
supaya bisa membuat mereka tertawa,
menatap masa depan yang datang...

ya Allah yang maha penyayang,
sampai kapan Kau siksa penerus negeri ini?

Reality...

2006-04-25T00:01:00.000+07:00

"... there is no such thing as beauty, its just exist in our mind. Infact everything happened only in our mind because nothing real in this world..."

I fed up with all perfect things, and all positive thinking...
don't lie and mostly don't lie to ourself,
accept reality sooner before it destroy us later,
cause yesterday is forgotten and today is the future,
wasting our time to create something monumental,
while the greatest creation of our kind, lies within our heart,
and we all know it's not a beautifull thing to see....

Open minded

2006-04-22T09:19:00.000+07:00

"...we, nowdays can be considerer as open-minded generation, with those high tolerance we have to others, which can accepted any existance of others who don't share similarity with ourself. Cross cultural and religion relationship which is happening now days is the prove, but when it comes to our close relatives, there is no such thing as open-minded..."

Once I got advice from a friend, she told me that the first basis of a relationship was simply a similarity of vision and mission in life, so without those similarity, just forget everything. (...The hell to those? What a crap, and what are 'vision' and 'mission' anyway?) Oh yes...!, that what crossed in my mind at that time. 'cause I know, woman are looking for sense of security and comfortability when it comes to a relationship. And my thinking was proven to be true when she, the one who told me these stuff, had a boyfriend, which comes from different culture and religion, a foreigner. (...such a hipocrit! what about your 'vission and mission' thinging, when it's so obvious that he had different religion...) This is the one thing crossed in my mind when I heard the news. Then I had a chance somewhat after that, meeting her. When I asked about these, her answer was, "...I liked him and I... I'm faling love...".

And... heard those words, I knew I cannot blame her. And somehow I felt sorry for her. As a person who've been in every places of 'love cycle' before (...except 'to ditched someone' phase...) I understand that nothing can be blamed for this mistake (... probably the destiny.... and that perverted guy!...). After that all I can do as her good friend was being supportive for every decision she made, and give her advise when she needed (...though they're not really counted 'cause I'm suck at this realtionship thinging, I mean just look at me! single...at thirty!)

But her problems not just lie on herselves but also with her family. Coming from well respected and religious family, her mom, dad, brother and sisters, somehow 'rejected' the idea of her had a marrieage to this guy. At first, I thought this are strange, considering there are few of her cousins had these 'crossed married', and she told me before, how her family was very supportive to her cousins when the married took place. But then if I put myself in their position, somewhat I understand a little.(...I was imagining my sister had these crossed married, and I didn't like the picture at all!... except, probably for their babies which somehow should be really cute... :P).

Really, marriage in this country is not just between those individuals, but also between the families. To maintain 'good' lineage, honor, wealth and every halo effect to themselves, subconciously(sometimes conciously), it is the family who'll choose to whom we'll get married. (...I know, this is suck, but you won't aware that you're being 'controlled', and so do I...).

I guess (in this case...) there is no thing such as open-minded when it comes to your family. Well... I just hope she got an exit point for her problems (... and I also hoping the same for me.... sigh...)

Flower Colour

2006-04-19T23:51:00.000+07:00

If a flower can sing, what song it would be singing?
when a love has been bloom, what colour would you want it to be?
there is red or white, and there is blue with green,
there is yellow and orange, and there is black shades grey too,
what ever color to see is up to us to give,
for each heart is different to be.

Pride

2006-04-17T04:48:00.000+07:00

I won't ask for any help 'cuz nobody will help me not,
I won't hoping for some 'cuz there isn't any hope either,
Why bother asking for something when you know the answer already?
This is my pride and I lived by it.

I just lost myself

2006-04-16T01:30:00.000+07:00

And sometime if I am looking back,
they all seem so close by,
and sometime when I am looking forward,
everything is clear as crystal,
and yet everything seems so impossible,
not that I give it up, but I just tired,
not because I lost all hopes,
It's because I keep lying to myself,
I lied that everything will be OK,
I lied that they all don't really matter,
and the worst case of these lies is,
I'm starting to believe them,
'what if' phrases coming up too many,
and I don't have anyone I can ask for,
since everyone asking me for something...
I'm just tired don't you know?
let me rest a bit...
but I rested too much, I stopped to many,
how long? how many times? and what for?
to see whether I was right or wrong?
do these matter now?
cause to me now, I just made to many mistakes,
from all of that chances I was given,
I did blew them all up, did I?
but then again, I never made anything right,
did I?
I'm not losing my religion, my faith...
or anything that I'm aware of...
but I'm not gaining anything too, am I?
and I start to believe myself and my lies,
and these made me lost completly,
I just lost to myself...

Awan yang marah!

2006-04-01T00:59:00.000+07:00

Aku adalah awan dan awan adalah awan...
Karena itu aku selalu yang melayang-layang disana, sampai sang angin meniup ku pergi.
Engkaukah sang angin yang meminta ku bergerak?
jika bukan, persetan dengan mu!
Karena itu aku tak berbentuk yang pasti, terserah kehendak sang langit yang melukis ku.
Engkaukah sang langit yang berhak melukis ku?
jika bukan, persetan dengan mu!
Karena itu aku seringkali berwarna putih, kadang juga kelabu, seperti isi hatiku.
Buta dan tulikah engkau tak bisa melihat dan mendengarnya?
Jika memang begitu, persetan dengan mu!
Karena itu aku kadang penuh dengan air, tapi kadang cahaya mengelegar, seperti... awan yang lain.
Ahh...!!! Sungguh percuma berbicara dengan kamu yang dirinya paling benar, paling bijaksana! paling soleh! dan paling segalanya!
Aku takkan pernah memperhatikanmu selagi kau tak pernah mengindahanku!
Karena aku adalah awan dan awan adalah awan...

Hati

2006-03-14T23:42:00.000+07:00

"...kita semua emang ngga akan tau kemana hati berkiblat, hanya Tuhan yang berkuasa atasnya..."

rite friend,
dia tuh, sesuatu yang bisa sekeras batu juga selembut awan,
meski ngga punya mata dan telinga, dia bisa ngerasain dunia,
dia juga kadang nguasain tubuh dan pikiran kita,
apa isinya pun, ngga bisa kita paksain,

karena itu, gua cuman bisa bikin pager di sekelilingnya,
buat ngebatasin semua yang bisa dia lihat, dia dengar dan dia rasa...

Perfect

2006-03-02T19:28:00.000+07:00

I was always looking for a perfection,
a perfect beauty, a perfect personality,
but who am I, asking for so much?
while myself is not perfect at all,
and no living soul is perfect to be,
and through your eyes I can see,
that we are imperfect beings,
but because of that I also can see,
a perfect colour, a perfect future
and a perfect love...
but who am I trying to lie to?
for each love is perfect to be,
thank you and thank you,
for every perfect moment you share with me,
I love you...

Colours

2006-02-24T03:24:00.000+07:00

It always autumn in my mind
the time leaves change their clotches,
some choose yellows, the other wear browns,
while tens and thousands like reds,
at Gattineau and Umberland they all the same,
burning the greens and leave skinny branches to white,
but despite all of those exquisites,
blues are always the colours of my heart.

Simple

2006-01-24T04:18:00.000+07:00

I'm a simple man living a life by simple rule,
but when is love becoming a simple matter?
perhaps I'm living in the wrong world,
yet, is there any world beside the one we're living now?
probably it's just me, a fool to be, a loser should be,
cannot keep up the rhytm, changing so fast,
a regret? Naah... I regret too much in this live,
so now I just hoping and pray a lot,
I just wish, everything become less complicated,
like the first one...
the first time I saw her smile,
the first time I hold her hands,
the first time I loved a woman...
when everything was so simple and pure to be.

It's so easy...

2005-12-27T06:41:00.000+07:00

... Loving you... It's easy cause you're beautifull...

Yup... It's really easy to fallin' love with you... Hmm...?

A Chance...

2005-12-23T04:19:00.000+07:00

I got another chance to make it "right". Well doesn't mean what I did was wrong or need to be fix. But have you ever feel, one time in your life that at a moment you should did something or shouldn't did anything? Hmm... I often got those feelings. It's not a regret feeling thogh, like you calculated wrongly or not fully used your capacity to obtain something. well... it's kind of regret feeling but it's not. Ugh... how do I explain these things... Anyway I got one last chance to my life a bit right than now. So... wish me luck will ya?

It's my car, not a boat...

2005-12-07T01:53:00.000+07:00

Free of flood? Not a chance while the Drainage Masterplan of the city is not being followed and there is too many people try to gain some "luck" from the plan. Adding to that if the behaviour of our people not changed, I am positive the Drainage Masterplan will keep as a plan forever, no matter how good it is.

Me an my friends wasted so many months working on the Drainage Masterplan when I was in the institute. Calculating that, measuring this, creating some posibble models and writing report to high people up there. Today, after almost 7 years, the realization of our Masterplans is only 45% while it should be finished in 2 years from its first started.

Oh... my people... when will you aware and realize? when will we able to compete with others? with this kind of mentality how long you think, we can survive?

(sigh...) when will my city free from flood in rainy season? Not today I guess...

Forget all of this, you only hear rumbling of a fool dreams.

Ringing inside my head...

2005-11-25T00:12:00.000+07:00

Dont know why but this song always ringing in my head, make me uncontrolably humming, just like that... and even I played this song automatically with my guitar....

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad,
carry around when your athritis is bad,
all I wanna do, is grow old with you...
I'll get you medicine, when your tummy aches,
build a fire when the furnace breaks,
oh it could be so nice, to grow old with you...
I'll miss you..., kiss you...,
give you my coat when you are cold,
need you..., feed you...,
even let you hold, the remote control...
so let me do the dishes, in our kitchen sink,
put you to bed when you had too much to drink,
I could be a man who grows old with you...
I wanna grow old with you...

Gaahhh... I think I'm going nuts

a reminder for myself...

2005-11-22T21:05:00.000+07:00

"Dan di antara manusia ada orang yang ucapannya tentang kehidupan dunia menarik hatimu, dan dipersaksikannya kepada Allah (atas kebenaran) isi hatinya, padahal ia adalah penantang yang paling keras." (QS. 2:204)

Bandung

2005-11-20T19:12:00.000+07:00

Misty lights cover the plains,
up on the valley scretching lots of human made buildings,
while tiny lives run accros the wave of time,
like busy bees buzzing around the flower,
searching for sweetness of its jelly of honey,
yet this sea of people seems just runaway mindlesly,
many puppet dolls playing a happy-sad drama,
do they aware of theirselves?
the beauty of breath which they created,
gushing along the mountains scorching its path,
through lowland called "bandung",
such an exotic view to miss...

lukisan air

2005-11-20T02:01:00.000+07:00

Sejenak hujan berhenti berdetak,
melukis sebentuk bayangan dalam lamunan,
lalu langit pun berteriak keras,
membuyarkan guratan air yang tertata,
awan-awan pun berlarian kesana kemari,
bersama angin terbangkan mimpi,
bunga es yang tercipta diatasnya,
untuk apakah gerangan?
karena sang waktu pun tak akan berhenti,
bertanya, menjawab atau berbisik...
dan hujan kembali melukis dengan santun,
diiringi senandung sang bumi.

aku lupa...

2005-11-12T01:39:00.000+07:00

Saat kukira kumengerti semua,
hakikat, perasaan, rasa dan asa
saat aku merasa tahu semua,
kecantikan, keindahan dan semua warna,
Sang Kuasa berbisik lembut dan perlahan,
menggetarkan lubang-lubang hampa di jiwa,
bahwa semua belumlah semua,
dan tidak akan semua itu menjadi semua,
lihatlah, ingatlah, lalu pahami dan amalkan,
belajarlah dari alam raya dan dari sekitar,
dan aku malu... mengabaikan itu semua,
niat yang benar dan baik adalah yang utama,
perbuatan yang ikhlas adalah yang terbaik,
karena itu, aku melihat dan mengingat kembali,
tentang arti kata "tulus".

Terrorist...

2005-11-12T01:14:00.000+07:00

It was too soon to concluded that the mastermind bali bombing, DR. Azahari already dead in the self-detonate explosion in Batu. Their proof was only his fingerprints, matched with the one the Malaysian Embassy provided for the police. The police didn't waited for more accurate identification, DNA examination, to positively ID the body. It seems that there are too many party have interest for DR. Azahari death or life? I even come up with wild scenarios possible ... Jeezzz... but as long as people here content with the news, then it's good for me....

Time Running Short!

2005-11-08T01:02:00.000+07:00

Ugh.. two more days before I got back to that pile of paper.... really hate those... the only thing that keep me gong through with those, is only that I got nothing else to do beside that... and I'll bored to death when I had it.... Just be patient... still waiting for continuing the big picture of my dreams.... Banzaiiii.....!

Rainbow

2005-11-08T00:40:00.000+07:00

Rainbow, oh... rainbow,
magical arc draw on the sky,
where leprechaun hide their gold,
a mysterious works of nature.

Rainbow, oh... rainbow,
you make my day so colorfull,
fill my moment with silly laughter,
though seems no one really care,

It's a silly story but always happened,
from one to seven and to so many,
shared everything 'cause we stranger to be,
I'm empty to you as you are to me.

Rainbow, oh... rainbow,
never thought I'll meet you here,
in a place where sand cover my ear,
and water seperate us with others,

It's a silly story but it is working perfectly,
from one thing to seven and to so many,
shared everything 'cause we stranger to be,
I'm empty to you as you are to me.

too bad I it's time for me and you to go,
leaving our memories behind,
will we meet again sometime, Rainbow?
though we're not stranger anymore?

Hmm...:D

2005-11-07T05:27:00.000+07:00

Allah really loves me. He creates and bring so many problems to my life to be solved. Though some people see this as a punishment (...and me too before...), I see them as a test to strengthen me in a way...I just hope I do them properly, in His way...

They also sometimes so complicated and so weird, and sometimes they also "jammed" my mind. Then, when this happening, I started to losing my self, and when I lost it, a "self destruction" program running subconciously. I just become an absolute jerk and a perfect loner...

Playboy? Can't afford it!

2005-11-07T05:09:00.000+07:00

Masa....! dalam 2 minggu terakhir ini aku ketemuan (in a proper meeting... like a date like...) dengan lebih dari 1 orang wanita...? Not that I don't like them or the dating... tapi jadi Playboy cap duren tiga jelas bukan bayanganku selama ini...! fallin in love couples times a week? Arrghhh.... too many for me,...just can't afford the feeling .... (and the cost!) Cukup sebulan sekali aja dah... :P.. It's easier... hihihihi...!

Busy day in Pangandaran Beach...

2005-11-07T03:42:00.000+07:00

First announcement...
"For a guy who wear brown baseball hat, please move your vehicle from the road cause it obstruct the traffic on the area..."

Second announcement...
"For you sir, with the brown baseball hat, please sir, would you move your vehicle!? it's creating a trafic jam..."

Third announcement...
HEY! You a%$%#@%...! Move your car from that place or else...your car wont be look like a car anymore...!"

stronger (?!)

2005-11-07T03:09:00.000+07:00

Being brave doesn't mean you doesn't have any fear at all, instead it's an act of choice to face the fear and get through with it. Loving someone also doesn't mean you forget all the feelings beside "the love" for the one you love, it is also an act to choose "the love" of the one you love instead others loving feelings and this act will make your love stronger....(?!)

... It is an logical answer from a cheater and now I understand why there are lots of them....

Jiwa yang merindu

2005-11-01T05:12:00.000+07:00

Aku ingin, tak perlu lagi alasan untuk bertemu,
cukup karena kata rindu saja,
bukan karena suatu keharusan,
seperti rutinitas yang tak bermakna,
kosong tanpa ada jiwa.

Aku ingin, dalam setiap pertemuan merasakan,
bahwa memang kerinduan itu ada,
bukan karena ketentuan semata,
tidak seperti matahari, bulan dan bintang.
tidak seperti makhluk-Mu yang lain.

Apakah Kau mengerti? ku yakin pasti begitu,
bukannya aku tidak mengakui keberadaan-Mu,
bukannya aku menyekutukan-Mu,
bukan pula aku mencoba mengingkari-Mu,
aku hanya ingin kedatanganku bermakna sesuatu,

Apakah itu sebabnya Kau beri aku perasaan ini?
perasaan yang muncul saat memikirkannya?
hanya untuk mendengar suaranya,
hanya untuk melihat senyumnya,
saat aku sudah menyerah dan melupakan kata itu.

Kau beri manusia takdir untuk hati dan akalnya,
Kau beri juga manusia takdir untuk memilih,
lalu kenapa aku tak bisa memilih juga?
kenapa hati bergerak saat kubentak untuk diam,
anugrah-Mu kah? atau memang keteledoranku?

Aku tak ingin jatuh lagi, dengan alasan apapun,
sudah kuhapus kata itu dari ingatanku,
apakah ini cara-Mu mengujiku, menghukumku?
mengucurkankan perasaan merindu itu?
rinduku kepada-Mu, rinduku kepadanya?

If there's no if

2005-10-29T06:10:00.000+07:00

What if there is no word "if"...
and we never dreaming things we never should,
what if there is no word "maybe"...
and everything we did is become a must,
so there will be no weight too heavy nor light,
so there will be no shadow or light,
and every people understand each other,
and each one of them is our someone,
would it be great? would it?
or will it boring and dull?
when this things happened?
if there is no "if"

Inside my head...

2005-10-26T23:58:00.000+07:00

Hmm... there's something about that glass... I don't know what it is, but its shape always tickling my mind... OK... its not cylindric like other, and it does have a rainbow like colour... Stylish people call it an art, while me think, errrr....its just a glass... Ughh... now I know....it is the ugliest water container I've ever seen and I bought it for 150 thousands rupiah... Everytime I see it in the corner of my mind, it always remind me of how stupid I am...

Thank you, but no thanks...

2005-10-23T04:49:00.000+07:00

Thank you Bro... but no thanks... I'm familiar with everything you said, and I'm no constant fool to be, repeatedly making the same mistake... I'll know when it'll come around, though I don't know where it'll gonna stab me... so, when it does, just bring me to the nearest hospital, ok?... this is what I need you to do for me... Thanks Bro.

Hubungan?

2005-10-20T23:19:00.000+07:00

Apa hubungan antara grafik produktifitas dan performa rata-rata perorang perwaktu di bagian operasional dengan orang-orang di bagian penjualan, marketing dan advertising di perusahaan lain, yang jelas-jelas ngga ada hubungannya what so ever dengan organisasi awal?

DANG!!! KO bisa nyambung?! Dan kenapa harus GUA!

AAAGGGGHHHHHH......!!!!

lari dari pilihan

2005-10-18T01:49:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya cangkang itu pun pecah,
dan diriku bukanlah diriku,
kutebas semua dihadapan,
dengan tenaga kuayunkan golok,
kuminumkan racun,
tapi...
saat melihat pohon tua itu meranggas,
perlahan dan menderita,
suatu tempat di dalam jiwaku berteriak!
tempat yang kutikam berulang dan sekarat,
belumlah mati,
pada akhirnya keputusan itu,
tidak menjadi suatu keputusan,
dan pilihan itu tetap jadi suatu pilihan,
mungkinkah kita lari dari takdir kita?
lari dari pilihan yang ada?

Suara Nyanyian

2005-10-15T22:50:00.000+07:00

Burung Gelatik itu bernyanyi riang,
di pagi hari di dahan pohon yang tinggi,
tanpa peduli suasana sekitar,
angin sejuk pun berjalan perlahan,
dari bawah, aku hanya bisa tersenyum,
dan menikmati semua coletehannya...

I'm bored...

2005-10-14T01:15:00.000+07:00

It is not about places or time,
cause I've been almost everywhere,
it is about the person I'm going with,
...

Greatest Mistake

2005-10-14T00:53:00.000+07:00

All this time I was dead wrong,
My eyes saw everything as light and dark,
while the world I lived in is shades of grey,
complicated it was, and so it will be...

Reason?

2005-10-13T03:06:00.000+07:00

We always forced to believed,
every thing happens 'cause a reason,
when we asked God what?
all wiseman says those words,
most of the time,
we refuse to accepted those,
try to reasoning everything by our minds,
and in the end,
we wasting our time,
thinking to much,
you see my friend,
if those reasons belong to God,
then He must be the only one who know them,
so try to let go will ya?
walk again, run again,
there still a vast field out there,
waiting for you,
not your stupid reasoning...

Mati...? Suatu refleksi...

2005-10-07T05:24:00.000+07:00

...
pesan Nabi, tentang mati,
jangan takut mati karena pasti terjadi,
semua insan pasti mati,
hanya tinggal waktu,
...
dan janganlah kau berbuat,
menyebabkan mati,
...
pesan Nabi, jangan takut mati,
meski kau sembunyi, ia kan menghampiri,
...
takutlah, pada kehidupan,
sesudah kau mati,
renungkanlah itu,
...

Ahh...Cinta...

2005-10-03T11:48:00.000+07:00

Sejuta rasa terangkum dalam sukma,
menyeruak menyesakkan dada,
berjuta warna yang terpatri dalam jiwa,
menorehkan satu kata, 'cinta' ...
ya... satu kata indah yang bermakna.
tanpa ada satu indra pun yang besuara,
semua tertunduk dan merajuk manja,
mengagungkan satu kata, 'cinta'...

Ahh... Cinta... apakah benar adanya?

really matter

2005-10-03T11:33:00.000+07:00

Too many scars carved,
adding one more doesn't really matter,
deep cut or shallow one it's ok,
lost a half or a whole it's still ok,
cause I don't care anymore,
time will heal them all,
yes,.. it's an ugly one,
and I don't care anymore,
it always lived beyond time,
and still have usefullness for someone,
and that the one that really matter,
at least for me...

Adilkah semua ini?

2005-10-02T01:29:00.000+07:00

Untaian mutiara raksasa itu kembali ditata,
membawa serta semua masalah yang ada,
himpitan yang menyesakkan dada mereka,
masih adakah keadilan di dunia fana?
sungguh aku hanya bisa berharap itu ada,
sungguh kalau pun tak ada...
aku masih tetap berharap semua itu ada,
dan semua bisa bertahan ditengah badai siksa,
bukankah seharusnya mereka juga merasa?
bukankah kita juga saling bersaudara?
meski aku sedikit mengerti, tapi tetap saja...
setiap melihat tunas bangsa di jalanan,
hati ini teriris berbagai macam perasaan,
ingin membantu tapi tak tahu harus bagaimana?
memberi sekarang akan menbunuh mereka dimasa depan,
maafkan adik kecil bila aku terlalu keras,
karena hanya bahasa itu yang aku mengerti,
dan sungguh aku sayang pada kalian,
aku hanya beruntung, sungguh... hanya beruntung,
bahwa masih ada yang meihat padaku,
jadi Tuhan, sayangilah dan kasihanilah mereka,
jangan hukum mereka karena kesalahan kami,
kesalahan bapak dan kakek kami terhadap negeri ini.

Untuk Mamat, Iman, Asep, Ujang dan anak-anak lain yang masih berjuang di jalanan...